Charlie Brown and the disappearing football
Oh good! More wit and wisdom from Uncle Melvin! “Wit and wisdom” – what a wonderful expression! But you’re early. You weren’t supposed to darken my door again until Memorial Day or my birthday. But that’s OK. The Federal Reserve Board has designated my birthday the nation’s new Memorial Day. “Darkening my door” – what a wonderful expression! Are you hard of hearing? “Hard of hearing” -- . . . . I know. What’s so wonderful about clunky expressions?
If you were a German learning English what would you make of “darken my door?” That I was mad at her for perfuming my door with Eau de Town Dump. Do you have a favorite expression? Yes. “Don’t darken my door.” It’s what always comes to mind when I think of Uncle Melvin. I have a favorite expression too. Dare I ask? “It’s none of your business.” How rude! What’s none of my business? My favorite expression. Well, then, why bring it up? To share one of my favorite things with one of my favorite people. Well, then, go ahead and share it. “It’s none of your business.”
I get it. You’re tricking me into a game of one-upmanship. You should know that I always win. Yes, I’ve noticed. But I still managed to fool you when we played Goats. Filling the beast in me with a lust for vengeance. I darkened your door. Losing makes me feel that way. Especially when I’m tricked into asking for something that’s not there. So cruel (sob!). Yes, when mean Lucy tricks her nice brother, Charlie Brown, by yanking the football away just as he’s kicking it. OK then. I’ll let you know my favorite expression. Finally! “It’s none of your business.”
Uncle Melvin’s new real estate investment
Time out! For what? For me to tell you what I’m thinking without you putting words into my mouth. I’m all ears. And I’m all mouth, so listen up, Uncle Melvin. Get ready for a dose of your talented niece’s wit and wisdom:
[Talented niece’s wit and wisdom in her own words]
Well. Now I know what Essence of Town Dump smells like. Take that! Consider my door suitably darkened. By the way, what’s that dripping from your fangs? Lust for vengeance! Now, for the last time, what is your favorite expression? I can’t tell you. It makes you mad. It won’t make me mad. I promise. Maybe if I think of another expression. I’m coming apart with rage. “Get your act together.” Hey Uncle Melvin, how about “You just bought the farm”?