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Published on Leave a comment on Finding Ourselves in the Comfort and Assurance of Inner Space

Gort’s hairstyle 

I’ve turned up the volume on heavy metal and I’ve got my earphones on. You may proceed, weirdboob alien. “I come in peace. I am your friend. I mean you no harm. Bakbakbak.” This guy is no “friend” and he’s only here to do us harm. Just another outer space alien. Harm like getting us out of the way so his kind can steal our planet’s valuables. And vaporize its inhabitants with ray gun blasters they bought at Target. Should I be scared?

Outer space boobs are “outer space” because they’re missing something. Yeah. Gort and his death ray. Inner space. Huh? I’m doing fine with outer space. If your inner space is gathering dust and cobwebs in the basement you wouldn’t know. Really? Inner space is where we monitor our performance so we don’t get on stage with a bad act. Where we introspect. Reflect and check in with our conscience. The boundaries between what’s OK and what’s not OK. That equip us with judgment and discipline.

Why would anyone need to do that if they’re already perfect? A serious question if it’s not a joke. Because some of us do think we’re perfect. Silly! No one’s perfect. Imagine saying “Gort, old boy, let’s let our hair down and get better acquainted with ourselves. So we can be nicer and feel just a little bad about evaporating everything with our death ray.” Gort’s visor would start to open. You would see his beady eyes and become incontinent. Yes. He’d have to remove his helmet with the visor to let his hair down. Outer space boobs don’t have hair. He’d be embarrassed. I was wondering why the aliens in “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” didn’t have combs. You can’t get a hair brush anywhere on Mars. That’s what disqualified me from going there. 

Gort and Fifi’s webinar on accountability 

The difference between human and animal is the difference between having and not having an inner space. Wild animals do fine without introspecting or reflecting, reasoning or choosing, judging between right and wrong. Instinct takes care of that. Domesticating them doesn’t give them an inner space. Doesn’t humanize them. It just adds more things for them to want or fear. When Fifi seemed out of sorts I took her to a veterinarian. I’ll bet you didn’t know vets aren’t trained in Freudian psychoanalysis. Poor Fifi! She just needs someone to listen to her whimpering.

Gort and Fifi can’t join us for a webinar on accountability without an inner space. Not if all they know is worlds inaccessible to humans. Without an inner space there’s nowhere they can even think about it. Then how can humans without an inner space keep from leveling Manhattan with their death rays? They do what animals do: whatever their herd does. Without an inner space for guidance they rely on herd mentality. A substitute for the inner moral compass, the judgment, they’re missing. What “everyone else does.” They become “good” by becoming agreeable, sociable. Being “likeable” especially since then their herd will think they’re “good.”

And then the trouble starts

How can a human be “human” and not have an inner space? Gort and Fifi don’t need an inner space because of what they are, what their use is. A human’s usefulness requires an inner space because it requires choice. All our faculties of mind are there to enable us to do what we are, to choose. To learn to choose freely once we’ve aware of who we are and what we’re doing here. Because that’s the only way choice can be “free,” and we’re still trying to figure that out. So with or without an inner space we adapt.

Like evolution? Yes. To whatever we need that’s inaccessible. Like an inner space that’s there but inaccessible when a human’s mind can’t find it. What would make it inaccessible? Different things. For example, finding anything requires judgment able to recognize boundaries. Able to navigate because it has coordinates, and not all minds, not all personalities, have judgment. So they adapt. They get in step with their herd’s “judgment.” Seeking the precision of schools of fish moving in unison. And then the trouble starts. Why? 

The solution to self-evaluation: perfection 

If we can’t imagine having a soul-searching conversation with Gort or Fifi, try imagining it with one of the fish. I could with a skillet and the right seasoning. The fish has forfeited any pretense of independent judgment to its school. And when you engage with it, you’ll be engaging with the school. And if you persist in relating to an individual fish you might find your delicate ballet-dancer anchovy is a shark. It’s made itself inaccessible to one-on-one relationship. The only “relationship” possible is if you give up your individuality and join its school. I’m already sick of school, so forget it.

“Herd mentality” is another term for animal instinct or will. Will that doesn’t need reasoning or choosing to act. Your wild Siberian tiger is a compelling ideal: a herd of wild beasts transformed into a single, all-powerful King of Beasts. Exquisitely beautiful and answerable to no one. That’s me! The opposite of “sociable.” Freed from all limits. Infinitely free. Infinitely powerful. Don’t stop! A human missing judgment and boundaries of her own can’t live this ideal and submit to self-evaluation too. So she deflects it by adopting her ideal’s perfection. By being “perfect.” “I’m perfect” says “I can’t be questioned.” “I can’t be criticized. And if I am there’s something wrong with you. It’s your fault.”

Permanently on probation

Another example of how human inner spaces are blocked is when inner space is too full of judgment instead of empty. Too much judging and too many boundaries. The wrong kind of “judgment” that’s judgmental. That mischaracterizes acts as justification for blame instead of guidance for navigation. For blaming the human herself. So that all “inner space” is to her is the “judgment” of self-blame. Not a good feeling.

Not at all. Anyone might feel compelled to project the feeling and guilt along with it onto others. By taking refuge in “perfection” beyond criticism. By shifting accountability for any “imperfection” onto someone else if they dare to question it. The internal pressure of negative judgment makes her “sociability” less protective than the other kind’s. Needing to control the pressure is her first priority, so sociability gives way to unsociability pretty fast. Especially true if you’re an authority figure like a parent, or a child who resists conformity, because they can jack up the pressure. Putting them permanently on probation.

Stuck in outer space

And this is all because of inner space? Whether inner space is blocked by lack of judgment and boundaries or by too much judgment and too many boundaries, the solution to the fixes the individuals wind up in is accessing their inner space. They can’t be “sociable” if what’s driving them is anti-social. They can’t be “friends” if the way they’ve adapted to their conditions is to become not-friends. There is no work-around for inaccessibility if there’s no inner space for your inner space to connect with. If all you or I or the other person have to offer is some version of outer space, we will be giving up any possibility of friendship that’s intimate, trusting, and loving.

So the choice is between inner and outer space. It’s between being a person with both spaces or a one-dimensional cartoon character. Unrelatable and to be avoided because, much as we may love them, they can’t be there with us emotionally or for us either. They’re somewhere else, stuck in outer space.

Nice kitty!

There are other perspectives, other explanations that might work better for you. This one helps me sympathize with others obstructed by conditions they’re not responsible for. Who want to be good just as much as I do. So if they misjudge me maybe they can’t help it. Misjudging them just makes things worse. You love them anyway.

We can love others for who they are even if what they do hurts us. But understanding why a wild Siberian tiger is dangerous doesn’t make it safe to be around. Let it roam free in its imaginary wilderness where it can’t hurt anyone. It doesn’t belong in relationships where it can hurt. I can’t bring my nice kitty into my friendships? You can if having a nice kitty means more to you than having a friend. Your friend will eventually be bitten and that will be the end of that. 

Into an unshared world of not-sharing

Our eyes are good at seeing appearances – what’s on the surface. Another kind of vision helps us see what’s beneath the surface, where the real “action” is. The desires and fears, the satisfactions and frustrations that motivate us. That make us human and determine how things work out. A good reason to access our inner space because that’s where this vision is. The ability to detect with intuition the truth behind assurances that an outer space invader is our “friend.” Or a wild beast is “safe.” The ability to connect with another perspective that is our friend and can see what we can’t.

Outer space has invaded inner space. Inner space is Psyche, guiding us with truth, innocence, and trust. Outer space is the wrong guide: mischaracterization, guilt, and deceit. Luring us with unlimited power and freedom, promises too good to be true. We can’t get rid of it while we’re in this situation but we can manage it. So we can distinguish between what’s OK and not OK, what’s loving kindness and what’s not, without its interference. With the right kind of judgment and boundaries that make sense of things.

The instinct of a wild Siberian tiger is to resist all boundaries. It fears inner space where its wildness will be limited by conscience, empathy, judgment, and discipline. The qualities that make us human, relatable. Wildness is not-human, the opposite of relatable. What needs to be resisted isn’t inner space. It’s bad advice from the invader, outer space. Luring us out of our shared world of sharing into an unshared world of not-sharing. Ruled by herd mentality. Self-centered and selfish.

Can we still be friends?

Inner space is the gyroscope that keeps us oriented when circumstances toss us about. Like stormy seas making us seasick. It’s our navigator that keeps us away from dangerous reefs. Relying on a school of fish for navigation turns thinking and feeling over to what “everyone else does.” To the school or herd that cares about itself but not much about us. Guided by animal instinct to prey on others in competition for survival and dominance. The only way to behave it “knows.” Destined eventually for defeat. For colliding with a reef.

For its members it’s the opposite of wildness. The only “freedom” they have is to change their minds and get the heck out of there. Go back to inner space and being themselves. To connecting with Guidance that does care about them and respects their individuality. That can help them get it right.

If I get it wrong can we still be friends? I’ll always love you. But friendship won’t be possible. Not if I need a person to relate to with both spaces, inner and outer. Not an insensitive, unthinking, self-centered, outer-space animal. Herds are for animals, not persons. If the human with too much “judgment” needs a better way of managing pain than dumping it onto others, the human who seeks “good” in “perfect” needs to be satisfied with good. Then maybe we can all be friends.

Thank you. My kitty and I will take it under advisement. Say goodbye to the nice man, dear.

Published on Leave a comment on In the Autumn of Our Friendships

I tease you about a friendship that ended
because, of course, I am a boor.
And because the mystery of a dumping,
long ago, has been solved.
The thrust of hostility
from a woman’s longtime friend, in their 80s.
Unprovoked. Abrupt. Painful and cruel.

I can see for myself how relationships end,
having blundered into their age group.
Like leaves dropping off trees in the fall.
Sometimes gently with a touch of kindness,
sometimes without ceremony. Impersonally
when "this number is no longer in service."
“Mail is no longer deliverable to this address."

For us, loving friendships are forever.
Perhaps separating our friendship from others.
With love missing or one-sided.
Or social relationships for appearances.
Like the woman wounded by relationship
with a money-obsessed social climber
moved not by love but by envy.

Holiday greetings become more meaningful,
more fun and satisfying for me as I age.
While for most of those I greet
it seems to be the opposite.
Tinting affect with melancholy,
but also relieving the weight of relationships
whose time has come.

You are teased away from your grief
and from the weight of what’s no longer there.
That you might share in the delicacy of aging.
The beauty of a season when friendships
that graced a lifetime turn color and fall.

Published on Leave a comment on Stuck in the Mud: Rule by One Perspective and The Unmoving of Motivation

All we have to go by

The meaning of every word is its own universe to explore. And so is the meaning of every situation. Storytelling! Exactly. Fun because situations and the words we use to describe them are alive with ideas. Working and playing with ideas to figure stuff out, to be useful, creative, and silly, livens up every day. Writing! Thinking with feeling that wants to be shared in writing. Because Mind’s ideas are a precious gift, and gifts want to be given. Shared.

Thinking ideas and sharing them describes the role of Mind in Creation. The “Creator.” Following its example can put meaning and purpose, fun and satisfaction, into our lives if we choose it. What if we don’t? Thinkers, writers, and artists would stop thinking, writing, and creating because they would have no new ideas to share.

Being smart and talented isn’t enough? Two exceptionally smart and talented people I knew aced every test of academic and professional aptitude, yet it wasn’t enough. Something essential was missing in their approach to life’s work. From their perspectives, because all we have to go by is our point of view. What it tells us about ourselves and our situations. We can’t possibly grasp it all.

Learning that no force can stop

What was missing? Wanting to follow Mind’s example and make that their first priority. No matter what their task. A passion, or at least a commitment, to learning. Because that’s where meaning and purpose come from: “getting it right.” Questioning from a curiosity, a need, to understand.

What if our perspective already has the answers? Isn’t that enough? Sure, if all we need to know is what’s before our eyes. The way things are. That works so long as the way things are isn’t constantly changing and evolving. Our health, relationships, work lives, and our physical and emotional environment.

“The way things are” describes the ideas that define Creation. They can’t change. But it also refers to Creation itself. Forward movement driven by the expansion and sharing of Knowledge and Love. By evolution, because that’s the nature of learning that no force can stop. Minds can’t stop learning by questioning and reflecting if they want to keep meaning and purpose relevant. To fit the particulars of their situations to the moment.

The part missing at the core of motivation

Sticking to one perspective is navigating Los Angeles freeways with GPS programmed by trolley routes. Sailing from New York to Buenos Aires with a map drawn by Amerigo Vespucci. If we keep our one perspective current will that be enough? Trying to learn and be creative without being open to other perspectives, without using them to think, feel, imagine, and judge what our situations tell us, would be turning a project over to one skill that requires more than one skill. Asking a plumber to build a house without any help.

It may only take the talents of one artist to produce art, but the artist can’t write one line, paint one stroke, or play one note without a mind alive with the spontaneity of free association among different sources of ideas and storylines. From a variety of perspectives alive with movement instead of one perspective stuck in the mud.

The two people I knew couldn’t be creative with their talents because their definition of the way things are – their perspectives – stayed put. They never left the starting gate. Their lives didn’t end with the exuberance of creativity. With satisfaction, but with deadening disappointment, frustration. They had put the power of Mind learning, growing, and creating through different perspectives not close enough to the core of their motivation. Maybe not anywhere near their motivation.

Purposeful striving

How could that be? Humans, like theories, works of art and engineering, are compositions. We differ because our parts are composed differently. And because none of us is complete. Some parts are there and active, others missing or inactive. When we learn, grow, and create through different perspectives, we may be going about the task that put us here: filling in the missing parts. Completing ourselves.

An ideal always beyond reach so long as circumstances keep evolving. But also beyond reach if parts essential to movement forward – motivation – are missing or inactive. In one of the two examples it was the part that attracts us to work: purposeful striving. An aversion to working for a living, to putting talents to use in a career, defined this person’s perspective, life, and relationships. Earning the nickname in adolescence “Stick in the Mud.” That doesn’t sound like motivation. Just the opposite. Striving to make things different or better instead of the way things are wasn’t in this person’s genes.

The pleasure and satisfaction of relating

The other example displayed a remarkable talent for self-enablement with a variety of skills. Self-taught self-sufficiency. A self-disciplined striver who yearned for the satisfaction of accomplishment and relationships along the way. But it couldn’t happen without feeling, the part that was missing. The part that connects. Feeling connected to the objects of our passions is the payoff. The ability to feel the pleasure and satisfaction of relating. To others but also to anything we happen to love. I find satisfaction now in relating to a flow of ideas and their source.

What happened to the other person? Striving finally had to be put out of its misery. The ability to relate requires feeling and it’s central to every cause, every effort. Being Love as we all are in Reality but unable to feel and connect with it here took away the meaning and satisfaction of relationships. And with it the will, the motivation, to live. Both persons left virtually together, one missing love of work, the other missing the work of Love – connecting with feeling. Two precious lives that ended in tragedy.

Hierarchy and the allure of wildness

Definitely not how I want mine to end. What can I do? Personal relationships are perceived as either equal or unequal, level or vertical. Equal-level enables friends to share lives without either assuming superiority. Unequal-vertical is hierarchy, where one or the other does assume it. By pretending that only one perspective is possible and it's theirs. Then using it to dominate relationships with their “unshakable will.” As though “resistance is pointless” because their one unquestioned perspective makes them invincible. Indomitable.

This sounds familiar. The allure of “wildness” seduces many into choosing hierarchical. It implies being in an ideal state of no limits. A privileged state reserved for divinity. The “power of the dark side” is wildness “playing god.” If nothing can tame it then its power must be absolute. A common misconception of God as ruler for its own benefit rather than service and support for all of Creation’s benefit. Absolute. Inaccessible. Unrelatable.

Lives end in tragedy when they disconnect with unrelatability. That can be made less likely by being careful with power or authority. By understanding that hierarchy in personal relationships isn’t connection. It’s separation. It’s the arrogance and isolation of one-sidedness posing as “oneness.” In the likeness of “god.” Two-sided empowerment, like affirmation, is a necessity. For self-worth and for healthy personal relationships. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with it. Only when one-sided hierarchical relationships turn it into empowerment for one and disempowerment for the other is it wrong.

Dad’s take on his indiscretion

Give me an example. I was at a children’s park where a parent I knew had taken his son. My age? Your age, and his name was Liam. Liam was having a good time with one of his playmates. Anyone I know? She was visiting from abroad and spoke with a thick accent. Chinese or Italian, I couldn’t tell. OK. Go on. Liam’s dad was lovable and harmless, always making people laugh. So he brought up a time when he and Liam were together and something funny happened. What?

They were surrounded by parents watching their kids play soccer when his dad cut a silent stinky one and Liam said, “Dad, did you just fart?” Now everyone was not only let in on the smell, they were let in on who did it. His dad! How embarrassing! Only for a moment, because his dad lived to make people laugh and this was funny. Now he was using it to add laughter to the fun.

Liam’s take

But immediately Liam protested that he didn’t do anything wrong. He dropped to the ground crying. His dad realized he had stepped in a cow pie and tried to recover with an explanation. But Liam was inconsolable. He had his perspective on what had happened at the soccer game and nothing could correct it. His dad would have had better luck with his playmate. The one from Mongolia? I think she was from Tuscany. Or maybe Boston’s North End. They have thick Italian accents.

There’s more? I was with Liam and his dad a few days later when his dad tried again to make amends for his mistake. By letting his son know how bad he felt and assuring him that he’d done nothing wrong. And by asking if next time Liam would say “I feel embarrassed” so his dad would stop.

Did that settle it? It settled his dad deeper into the same cow pie. Liam again protested that he’d done nothing wrong. He was still aggrieved. His response when his dad proposed a solution was “whatever.” He reacted to being given another perspective as though the whole idea was unthinkable. Irrelevant, as though his dad was changing the subject.

When friendship is irrelevant

Does this example help? Definitely! Don’t fart when you’re in a crowd. It could be making us aware that seeing things from other perspectives requires motivation before it can deliver motivation. Personality types attracted to competition, winning, and dominance assume that presenting one perspective to others, never showing interest or any desire to learn from theirs, projects strength. Makes it clear that their will can’t be shaken. That relationship with them must be hierarchical; they alone can occupy the top; and it must be on their terms.

So one sided! Absolutely. Any situation that depends on forced conformance, like a dictatorship, will have someone ruling from the top with only one perspective. “My way or the highway.” Ruling not for creativity and spontaneity but for conformance and regimentation. 

Meaning? That we wouldn’t be motivated to see things differently if it matters more that relationships be hierarchical, with us on top monopolizing authority, than having loving, intimate friends. Friends with different perspectives that we can put to use when they’re shared instead of pitted against one another in competition.

More misunderstandings, fewer friendships

We need to think about this. Yes. Even if our relationships and work are alive with striving, feeling, ideas, and creativity. Even if we’re comfortable learning from other perspectives. With letting them stimulate thinking and feeling with new ideas, new approaches. Instead of choosing to be right and in control because we’re sure that ours is the only perspective possible. The only one that gets the situation right, and so it must be the only one that deserves respect.

Liam’s experience with his dad at the park was certainty from his perspective that his dad was authority handing down judgment. Being insensitive and hurtful. His dad’s experience was being unable to relate to someone because he was captive to one rigid perspective. The wrong perspective because it mischaracterized his intent. Making his son inaccessible, and so the misunderstanding was never corrected. A warning that there could be more misunderstandings and fewer friendships.

Where the story begins

I want friends. And with your talents you must also want to be creative. A writer who helps others see things differently because that’s what sharing ideas and insights is all about. Being part of a cause: advancing toward understanding that removes obstacles to striving, feeling, and satisfaction. By seeking and learning from other perspectives. By treating our own perspectives as starting rather than ending points. Where the story begins. Where creativity takes off.

By being friends sharing and cooperating rather than competitors for dominance who can never be friends. This is why you’re writing? Because you have the potential to lead a creative, satisfying life. In friendship with me and others if that’s your choice rather than wildness without limits. The sublime ideal of an impossibility. And your perspective is open to other perspectives instead of closed. Helping with the work of Jesus: sharing another perspective.

Happy Easter!

Published on Leave a comment on The Two Faces of Spontaneity

A conversation with Tony the Tiger’s talented casting agent reminding his fans that he sometimes has people for breakfast. His agent’s contributions are in italics. 

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What’s for dessert? 

“The Two Faces of Wildness” is about the impact your tiger’s role modeling has had on popular culture. Really? Yes. Turning everyone into a maniac. One face is a nice puddy cat who makes everyone comfy. The other is a crazed monster who doesn’t make everyone comfy. By being rude. What? Burping and picking its teeth with toothpicks after it’s dined on its fans.

Wildness is beautiful when it’s an ideal portrayed by a talented artist. Not so beautiful when it’s set free in the neighborhood to do what predators do. Decorate cereal boxes. Eat the cereal, the nice mommies and daddies who buy it, the sweet little darlings who eat it, and the box. What about the grocer? Store management, employees, and shoppers too. What’s for dessert? A big bowl of Alka-Seltzer, Pepto-Bismol, and a stomach pump.

Leo the Lion’s frosted crispy choco-loop puffs

If that doesn’t tame my tiger nothing will. We don’t want to tame . . . What’s its name again? Tony. Don’t you read cereal boxes? Tony belongs here as much as we do. We just want to keep the predator within – the beautiful ideal of wildness – from having us for breakfast. By managing our relationship with it. Chloroform!

“Power” isn’t control. It’s management. They’re not the same? In situations that require conformity rather than thinking for yourself, the difference won’t matter. Like little kids, raw military recruits – people who need training. Otherwise no. Control comes from the animal side of human animal that doesn’t need mind. Management comes from the human side that does need mind.

In a shared world boundaries need to be respected and relationships managed within as well as without, just as wildness needs to be respected and managed. It’s not cool to cage the beast or to let it go free. Or to imagine that we have the power of a predator to make others let us do whatever we want. Even if we’re the King of Beasts? Maybe there’s a cereal box with Leo the Lion. See if that works.

Calvin’s best friend

I get it. It’s OK to admire the ideal of wildness but not to behave like it. Yes. Better to accept that the only world where we can do whatever we want is one we make up. And to keep our fanciful world where it belongs: in our imaginations and not crossing boundaries and messing with our relationships.

You have your own tiger? The difference between nice and not nice, helpful and not helpful, isn’t between those who have and don’t have a tiger. We all do. Are they like Hobbes? Who was that? Calvin’s best friend, a cute stuffed tiger. Were Calvin and Hobbes your clients too? Until I got bored with Hobbes. He was too nice. I like. . . Never mind. I know what you like.

The difference is between respecting and not respecting boundaries while we’re respecting wildness. Between understanding and not understanding why they’re there. To let the ideal of wildness inspire creativity without crossing boundaries. Our own as well as others’.

It can be hard to stay on the right side. A lot of people don’t. In extreme circumstances maybe you and I won’t. I don’t need to wait for extreme circumstances. We need to be aware of the nature of wildness: that it can be both inspiring and deadly, constructive and destructive, humanizing and de-humanizing. We need to be careful.

Nice kitty!

Maybe these thoughts can help you and Tony balance the two sides of wildness. It does sound important. Very. The good side of wildness is playfulness that’s creative. Because wildness is spontaneous, the gift your tiger was meant to give. Not being the “king” of anything. Not being a beast that must be put in a cage.

Then we should all just stop thinking and let stuff happen spontaneously. No. There’s a right kind of spontaneity and a wrong kind. Getting out of the way to let stuff happen on its own is the wrong kind. The wrong guide. It doesn’t lead to freedom and creativity, just the opposite. The right kind is thinking before deciding that welcomes spontaneous insights. And after deciding but before acting, to give spontaneity a voice in every phase: thinking, deciding, and acting.

Spontaneity is a kind of guide that we don’t want to control because we need its perspective. Trying to control it will kill it. Whether we put Tony in a cage or let him out of his cage we’re getting it wrong. Tony just needs to be understood, with thoughtfulness and patience. To be loved and managed for his and our benefit. Nice kitty. Keep luring little kids to their doom and you can have the run of the closet.

Published on Leave a comment on Learning from Our Opposites: The Truth of Who We Aren’t

A conversation with the author's in-house critic on the occasion of Saint Patrick's Day. The critic's contributions are in italics.

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The artist’s model

I have something to share. Will it make me happy? What makes you happy? Relationships. Friendships. Then it might someday. Or at least keep you from being unhappy because it’s insights about relationships. They could be useful, maybe not today but someday. OK. Just understand that we’re on a bus and the driver does what I tell her. 

Insights make me happy. And make me sleepy. The philosopher’s dilemma: wanting to share exciting revelations that nobody cares about or understands, so they can’t be shared. They could if you got someone to pose for them. A model like I do for my painting. Like a naked, uh, dog? Would that help? Sure, if you’re philosophizing about exhibitionist dogs. What a coincidence! That’s just what I’ve been doing. Driver! We can go now.

What’s on TV?

How can insights make anyone happy? When they come spontaneously from Relationship they can. Like from a friend who wants us to get to where we’re headed faster and enjoy the ride. I’ve heard about self-love. Everything is Self. There’s nothing outside of Self. The trick is getting “Self” right.

Meaning?  Self isn’t one – a monolith. It’s two. “Oneness” is “twoness?” Wait! I can explain! Driver, this is my stop! Everything that’s Self is everything that’s two. That’s what got Creation started: Relationship between two functions of Mind brought together spontaneously by the power of attraction. Huh?

Mind is Relationship between Logic and Love that illuminated Mind’s Self-Awareness and defined its function. Creation is Life made living by Relationship, the source of Self-Awareness, sharing itself, sharing its function. Life doing what all living things do: growing and reproducing themselves. Clogging the 405 with too many drivers. 

Worth is Life. Being and doing what produced it: Self-growth. Relationship’s power of attraction and Self-Awareness within Mind that started Creation. Physics says particles only exist when they connect. Our universe is “relational.” Money grows too. It earns interest. How do you know all this nonsense? I saw it on TV. Try watching video games instead. That’s your problem. 

A waste of perfection

Spontaneous insights come from another perspective. Happiness is becoming aware that it’s Self-Awareness-Relationship sharing itself with us, being helpful and loving us. Discovering that the love we share back is spontaneous too. Like the event that illuminated Self-Awareness: the marriage of Logic with Love. Relationship. That didn’t need Mind to will it. Mind needed Relationship to define its function, Self-Awareness, with Logic and Love. So there's no possibility that it would become what it's not: an absolute without limits. A self-centered authoritarian narcissist ruling for its own benefit. By force from the top down, silencing all voices but its own. "Almighty God."

I’ve heard that God is Love. “God” is Mind, its function. Mind is spontaneous Relationship between Logic and Love. Creation is the interconnectedness of shared Relationship and the spontaneity of Creativity. This may help to make sense of “God is Love,” because “creation” that’s “God’s will” controlling everything can’t be Love. It would be the opposite. If God isn’t putting everything on a report card I’m being perfect for nothing!

Like Logic inseparable from Love Creation is Relationship inseparable from Spontaneity. Not will that’s controlling but will that’s Freedom inseparable from Order. Insights build on one another in logical succession because Mind that’s Relationship is interconnection. Interconnection is power to create because it’s all held together by Energy, the power of attraction.

Pure amazement!

What about relationships that come apart? That’s not attraction. It’s the implicit power of opposition made explicit in unreality. Both powers essential to Creation except that they can’t both be explicit and equal. Why? Because they’ll cancel one another other out. Force can’t serve Relationship Logic-Love and its Creation if opposition cancels out attraction.

Where does opposition come from? From all of Creation’s functions defined by their implied opposites: what they aren’t as well as by what they are. Possibility defined in part by impossibility. Logic and Love are no exception. Defining them with implied incompatibilities as well as compatibilities. One all about ordering with boundaries, staying within laws that define the way things are. The other all about ordering with spontaneity, freedom that needs Logic’s order but can’t survive under arbitrary rule. The way things aren’t. Disorder. Tyranny. Illogic.

Nor can Logic survive under Love’s implied opposite: the wildness of animal will opposed to Mind and all its defining boundaries. The wild Siberian tiger that ate the Ruler of the Wild Siberian Galactic Empire. May she rest in peace. Yes. I was fond of her but maybe it’s just as well. Careful! She may be in the next room!

So attraction came first and is Real, and its opposite came second because it’s derived from the first. It’s not Real because an opposite that’s implicit in Reality can only be explicit in unreality. Reality can’t contradict itself. Cool! That’s right! Aren’t I amazing?

What relationships are meant to be

None of this has anything to do with me but I’m beginning to enjoy the ride. Driver! Is there a psychiatrist on board? It matters to every living thing, in unreality as well as Reality, that the power of attraction is necessarily greater than the power of opposition. If it weren’t Creation would be stillborn. It does have something to do with you. What if Mind spent all day on the sofa? Playing video games. There would be no Super Bowls to watch on TV. Poor Mind! Let’s send meals on wheels. 

It matters because keeping attraction more powerful is part of why we’re here. Opposition obstructs evolution but it can’t stop it. Evolution toward what? Toward the expression, affirmation, and reciprocation of Self-Awareness in Reality. Of the sharing of Self-Awareness that’s Life-Worth in Reality. Toward the recovery of Self-Awareness in unreality. What’s unreality?  Our world where implicit opposites have been made explicit. Brought to “life” by hallucination, self-unawareness “made real.”

I need to know this? If you want relationships to be what they’re meant to be instead of trying to make them what you want them to be, yes. Knowing the difference can advance learning and avoid pain and frustration. What are relationships meant to be? If the Mind dreaming us needs to recover Self-Awareness then that’s where evolution will lead us. Through relationships that teach us what we need to learn to advance Self-Awareness.

When we’ve done our best

Even relationships that don’t work?  We’re in a world where opposites inactive in Reality have been activated by unreality. Maybe the reason why isn’t to put us at their mercy. Maybe it’s the opportunity for the Mind dreaming us to learn from opposites. How? Through our experience with them and their unreal world.

What do opposites have to teach us? Who and what we aren’t. The definition of everything is what it is and also what it isn’t. Where opposites come from. It’s built into the DNA of Self-Awareness. The laws of cause and effect that define Mind’s will put there spontaneously by Relationship outside of Mind’s will.

So if we need to complete our definition we must experience its negative side: who and what we aren’t. That’s where opposites can help. We can waive the opportunity until we’re ready, but there’s no ”waiving” opposites and what we must learn from them.

Oneness is twoness. And now bad relationships that make us miserable are good relationships. Driver! Next stop! If we understand that we learn from “bad relationships” who we aren’t, and that may be all they’re meant for, yes. They’re “good relationships.” 

Aren’t relationships that resist healing failed relationships? Sure, but if they’ve moved us closer to Self-Awareness they’re also a precious gift. Of learning and growth, making better sense of things in a confusing world of opposites, A success that may be all that they were meant for.

So when we don’t make headway with others we thought were our friends it’s OK? We don’t have to feel bad about ourselves? We can be grateful for anything they’ve taught us because learning from Relationships is why we’re here. And we definitely don’t have to feel bad about ourselves if we’ve done our best. There can’t be any “failing” in learning from mistakes if it brings us closer to our destination.

The price of success

Getting it right so the Mind dreaming us can get it right, recover Self-Awareness, and perform its role in Creation. What’s that? Managing Definition’s and Relationship’s boundary between what is and what isn’t. Between Reality and unreality, spontaneity and willfulness. Possibility and impossibility, morality and immorality.

It hurts when relationships don’t return the love we put into them. But others need Self-Awareness too. Teaching us with the power of opposition – not-relationship – may be all they’re capable of until evolution moves on and circumstances change. They’re on their own track moving at their own pace.

Recovering Self-Awareness makes learning what we really want and need. Letting understanding take others into its largeness as well as ourselves, because we’re all headed in the same direction. If  we make that the most important thing we’ll see our hurts for what they are: the price of success, not failure.

Happiness lies within, where we relate to Guidance from Logic-Love, our best Friend. Relationships with others deserve the effort we put into them not because they define our lives with happiness or misery but because they’re part of our training. Because what we learn from them helps us define ourselves, and others can define themselves with our help if they choose.

The mistake of avoiding mistakes

What can go wrong if I try to put this in practice? Avoidance and its opposite: combativeness. Aggressive confrontation. Mistakes equally harmful that detract from character.

Avoidance of what? Difficulties with relationships. The attitude that the best way to deal with them is not to deal with them. To avoid them. To run away from conflict with opposites instead of working through it responsibly and honestly. To reach understanding and learn from it. And if the capacity to do this is weak, to strengthen it so it can do its duty.

Passivity leads instead into wishful-willful thinking. The self-centered idea that uninvolvement takes care of number one. It’s not willing to accept the risks and difficulties that come with being there for family and friends. Of taking sides when lives and values that depend on them are under attack. Out of fear that it won’t be there for itself, so it’s not really interested in friendship.

Out of fear of emotional abandonment, so it displaces it onto others. You’ve been abandoned? Emotionally, sure. But who hasn’t when personality differences and changing circumstances can put the ideal of “being there” for one another out of reach? Fear of abandonment when relationships force them to deal with conflict may be a factor when family and friends retreat from their duty. When they seek safety in invisibility.

But courage can’t be willed in advance. Like Creativity, it’s either there or it isn’t. What conflict with opposites teaches all of us is humility: understanding that discretion is the better part of valor. We’re all susceptible to avoidance.

Always a work in progress

What about you? I don’t avoid conflict when I see the need to put it to constructive use, like righting an injustice, preventing harm. But not running away from conflict isn’t running toward it.

I’ve experienced the harmfulness of avoidance. Combativeness too, the mistake that’s retaliation. Neither passive uninvolvement nor retaliation is worthy of character that’s being there for others as well as itself. Friendship that reciprocates honest commitment with either mistake is trust betrayed. An opportunity to learn from the power of opposition while letting go of friendship that can’t be trusted.

I’ve learned much from relationships undone by these mistakes. But while mistakes may not get in the way of love they can get in the way of friendship. I try to bring character to relationships. And you're succeeding. It's the core value of doing what the situation calls for. Getting it right. Always a work in progress. 

What better gift to give your in-house critic on Saint Patrick’s day than a big dose of malarkey. Thank you. Anytime! Faith and begorrah to you, too.

Published on Leave a comment on The Two Faces of Wildness

The Beast of Mob Violence Behind the Romantic “Ideal” of Wildness

Who is this “other self”?

When we’re emotionally “out of control,” “not ourselves,” getting what our appetites want with one-sided willful “action” instead of two-sided thoughtful understanding, we’re not a facade taking on another color of paint. Niceness momentarily replaced by not-nice, a different face. We’re the face and voice of another performer taking our place on stage. Reciting lines from a different storyline. Us but definitely not us. Who is this “other self”?_________________________________________________________________________________________

In the Beginning

Tribal deities

Philosophy and theology have long wondered what moved “God” to get up off the sofa. What need can possibly explain it when God has no needs? What gift can you give someone who already has everything?

The myths of ideology are long on fireworks after something happened but short on explaining why and how it happened. Deities invented by tribal mindsets to deify themselves were one-sided, one-dimensional, top-down authorities. Arbitrary laws unto themselves not for loving but for fearing and appeasing. Not by being “good” but by doing whatever “almighty god” wanted. Even if what it wanted was defined by will, mindless and unfeeling, in the image of Olympian family brutality. The behavior of beasts excused by wildness to do as they pleased. “Disciplined” by Machiavellian expedience to do whatever it took to survive and conquer. Authorities beyond questioning.

The mathematics of confidence misplaced

Deists like Einstein surmised that the deity somehow started everything and then was done with it. And, with that, they were done thinking about it. Yet, as it will become clear later, there was a certain logic to Einstein’s thinking. The mathematics of Energy, E=MC2, may have alerted him to a philosophical truth as well. The sense, conscious or subconscious, that it was energy that was done once it did as it was asked. By Mind, to “create” a time-limited universe.

The farthest that Einstein’s logic could take him since inquiry beyond physical appearances would have been beyond his profession. Had his genius not been strait-jacketed by physics, had it followed Logic wherever it led, it would have led him to a realization of far greater consequence than E=MC2: that his time-limited universe can’t be Real. And so his confidence that it could also be reduced to an elegant mathematical equation was misplaced.

Einstein’s misperception

He had been misled by his awesome universe, the centerpiece of his profession and personal fame, to assume that Energy and its Interconnections come in but one version. Obviating the need to distinguish between Real and unreal and avoid a crucial misperception. To go beyond the discovery that the universe “exists” in the “present” that’s not Now to understand its significance. When in fact Energy and its Interconnections come in two versions, one Real-Mind and the other unreal-matter: eternally live Energy connecting in timelessness, temporal energy winding down and disconnecting in time.

Leading Einstein to focus his genius on the wrong version. In a hallucination of impossibilities “seeing” what’s not there is getting it “right.” Trying to prove that it is there is getting it wrong. The cause that occupied the rest of his life, to crown an impossible theory with another E=MC2, was doomed from the start. There would be no victory lap.

The story beyond telling

What can be “real” if its “existence” mysteriously comes and goes, like a magic act? If it’s not existence in Now that can’t be limited to time and doesn’t come and go like a magic act. What else can it be but the opposite of Reality: unreality? A kind of dream or hallucination that must end.

Whether it was to preserve professional integrity or something else history’s greatest minds – Plato and others as well as Einstein – haven’t been able to liberate themselves from rule by body-sensing to make sense of Mind. With the tools given to them to put two and two together, as Parmenides did, because sensory perception could never “prove” that it came out to four.

The inference that Aristotle drew from the unfinished philosophy of his mentor, Plato: that while ethereal Mind is Real, everyday sensory perception is demonstrably “real.” Making of any story beyond matter “unrealistic.” Beyond telling. Or at least beyond telling without being sentenced to hell for trying.

Mind’s gift of insight

An assumption that cries out for correction. The story of matter told so far by science is the Colorado River petering out before it reaches the Pacific. An underwhelming denouement after Einstein’s theories, a century ago, seemed to put the answers to everything within reach.

Why wouldn’t Mind want to be understood if it’s Understanding? If we acknowledge our self-unawareness and seek Guidance from Self-Awareness, its source. If, despite all the obstructions put in its way, Mind can’t be prevented from being our Friend, from helping us, if we acknowledge our need for it, ask for Guidance, shut down the noise, and listen.

With Mind’s gift of sixth sense. The voice of spontaneous insights that no power on earth can control or silence. The power of insight that’s enabled human evolution from animal to sapiens with advances in every field of inquiry. And will do more to liberate us from self-unawareness when we choose to liberate ourselves from its cause: unquestioning obedience to the rule of bodies’ five senses. To the master of Plato’s Cave, self-delusion. The image of absolutes beyond questioning in the narcissist’s mirror.

Mind is Relationship

Mind can’t be the source of anything but self-delusion if it’s a one-sided, one-dimensional, top-down “authority.” Posing as an absolute alone at the top, as ridiculous in shared unreality as it is in shared Reality. A running joke from Vaudeville that always leaves ‘em laughing: the ass-kissing pompous ass. The great fool its Old Howard audience loves to hate.

But Mind can be the Source of Everything if it’s Relationship. And it is. Between its two main functions, Logic and Love, and the Energy of attraction between them. The Force of Relationship that holds together Creation’s interconnected functions with the power of Necessity. The inseparability of Logic’s implications, Love’s connections, and Mind’s Logic and Love functioning as one. Its expression: Reality’s laws of cause and effect. The DNA, operating system, and code of ethics of Mind: the definition of Definition.

To enable the Doing of Being

The only absolute in all of Creation where opposition cannot be by Definition. Cannot be by the certainty that Reality-Creation can only be governed under the laws of cause and effect. Enacted not by the Will of conscious intent but by spontaneity beyond the will of anything to compromise it. By the joining of Logic with Love within Mind but not at the direction of Mind. An act caused solely by the spontaneous attraction between two functions completing one another. With Logic-Thought sharing the discipline of Order with boundaryless Love-Feeling, and Love-Feeling sharing the spontaneity of Relationship and Values with unfeeling Logic.

To enable and empower Mind with its function: the Doing of Being. Given the illumination and direction of Self-Awareness by Relationship. Within the Reality of Mind composed of Relationships and interconnected by sharing among Relationships. Mind’s function of judging, with Definition’s boundaries and values, where every contribution to Creativity and free-spirited originality fits in perfect harmony. The sharing of its Function with every function of Creation, the ideas and values that are of its doing.

The Worth of Creation earned

To bring into Life and Reality the Ideal of Worth that by definition must be earned. The cause that moved Mind beyond the idea of Creation to its expression. Off its butt, onto its feet, and moving with Purpose. Striving for absolutes of purity and perfection put eternally beyond reach.

By their impossibility in a Reality of implicit opposites and unreality of explicit opposites. By the Logic of Circumstance with an upper and under side that is always moving forward. Always changing. Propelled by Logic and Love that must, according to the laws of cause and effect, grow, extend, and expand into infinity. The source of evolution, an eternal work in progress.

The Ideal of Process gotten right

And the raw material for Creation’s Worth. Earned and affirmed through the element of Free Choice that, itself, must be earned and affirmed. Through competence that can only be gained and put to use through experience. That only the function given to Free Choice through Mind’s Relationship, its Parents, Logic-Love, can perform without compromising Reality-Creation with contradiction.

All implying that the Worth of Creation resides not in product but in process. Not in Creation’s absolutes cleansed of opposites but in the discipline of Process that manages opposites. “Virtue” doesn’t “triumph” over “vice” no matter how often it’s portrayed in art and displayed in museums. It figures out how to use vice for its own self-discipline. Process = Product. Means = End. If what’s “right” is done wrong, it’s not getting it right.

Competence earned to choose freely 

Choice that’s Free and functional lies within its competence to manage the boundary between Creation and its implied opposites. Between Reality and unreality. Keeping the boundary functional while contributing to Creation’s Worth: the indispensable Self-Awareness of Free Choice responsible and accountable for its choices. For its performance made credible by the spontaneity of independent judgment. In receipt of the raw material of Creation from its Parents, Logic-Love, but free from theirs or any other influence over how it chooses to contribute to its Worth. To add value.

The competence to choose freely with independent judgment gained through practice, learning, and growth on both sides of the boundary. On the underside where the Self-Awareness required by Free Choice must be earned as only it can, through the loss and regaining of it. Through hands-on experience with impossibilities hidden in unreality on the underside of Definition: opposites required to complete the definition of what is by what isn’t. Through hands-on experience with a second underside within unreality: the animal side of human animal.

Putting the Worth of Creation to its ultimate test: whether its own element of Free Choice thinks it’s worth the effort to choose it. But before Free Choice even gets this far, it must freely choose who it is and what it’s about: its identity and role of Free Choice. It can’t pretend to choose freely when it’s already compromised. By allowing itself to be locked into its role by the genetics and will of its Parents.

When it's already allowed itself to be told what to do. The example set by Mind-Child’s self-delusion and re-enacted by the politics of follow-the-leader authoritarian ass-kissing. Letting an absurdity in the narcissist’s mirror call the shots. Opposite’s perversion of self-unawareness seeking guidance from Self-Awareness: the blind leading the blind. Entertaining us with yet more “thrills” from “action.” Yet more evidence that if Reality is fruitful effort, unreality is wasted effort. Mind-Child deluding itself. Hallucinating.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

How will the story end?

With a labor of Love?

When independent judgment weighs in on our progress, what might it conclude? At a minimum that it’s obstructed by opposition. By minds so invested in cherishing and validating the “gift” of appearances that they deny their minds permission to question it. To use all of Mind’s faculties, including its sixth sense, to look behind appearances with another perspective. To see what’s there instead of what’s not there.

With the perspective of their minds’ source: Free Choice. Whose Parents Logic-Love, the source of circumstances, hold the key to understanding context. Whose Guidance is accessible to every mind through whatever form Free Choice chooses. For Relationship, the source of Energy that turned Mind from Being to Doing. Relationship with loving Friend and Guide that can turn self-unawareness, stuck in the mud, into a Jack Kerouac On the Road adventure that’s actually going somewhere.

Toward Self-Awareness. Toward Free Choice competent to perform its role in Creation if that’s what it chooses to do. By following the example of Mind sharing the earning of Worth. So that the family of Creation can experience the incomparable joy and satisfaction of taking part in a labor of Love.

The what isn’t of “self” that’s many selves

Which side of the divide will prevail: minds on the human side who choose Guidance toward Self-Awareness? Or wills on the animal side opposed to choice, guidance, and Self-Awareness? Captivated by the mystique of “wildness,” the force of nature that rules its domain without opposition. The king of beasts. The herd mentality seated in humans’ animal brain that transforms into an image less alluring. The face of humanity de-humanized. The face of the human beast: an enraged mob. Capable of hideous, terrifying brutality.

The extremity of unreality’s perversion of what is: the what isn’t of Self defined as many selves. The contradiction of the laws of Necessity that underlies every obstruction devised by tribal “realists.” The misconception of “reality” as unending conflict between tribes competing for survival and supremacy. The substitute for meaning and purpose meant to distract minds from their real purpose with “action.” With wars that offer endless opportunities for mob violence, their purpose. To idealize the body’s animal brain by de-humanizing human, its enemy, then killing it.

The ideal of Creation through Relationship

The conscience of Creativity that accompanies Mind’s every thought and idea from Logic, every feeling and value from Love, is rooted in the honesty and integrity, fairness and compassion, of Definition.  With no possibility of contradiction because of its Source: not Mind but the spontaneous DNA beyond its control within it. The absolute where the buck stops. The definition of Definition. Authority beyond any possibility of opposition. Backed by the power of attraction and the Force of Necessity. The laws of cause and effect enacted by the power of attraction. By Relationship: Logic married to Love.

With intent. To bring to Life the Ideal embedded in Mind’s DNA. The cause that motivates Reality-Creation: harmony and joyfulness among Creation’s parts entrusted with responsibility for managing the boundaries of Logic and the Relationships of Love. Not with conformity forced by one-sided, self-centered, arbitrary rule from the top down but with the spontaneity and Free Will of Creativity, served and supported by Governance under the law from the bottom up. By the ideal of Relationships joined in equality and Trust in the image of Guidance washing its seekers’ feet rather than forced into hierarchy and distrust.

The ideal in reverse

The ideal brought to Life and into Reality by Energy in the Now. Ensuring that Creation can be subject to no limits other than its definition by Definition itself, the inviolable DNA of spontaneous Relationship within Mind. Absolute beyond questioning that enables and empowers Creation with the essence of all Creativity in Reality: spontaneity free from outside limits of any kind since nothing can be “outside” or “external” in Reality.

Free, then, from everything imagined by the Child of Logic-Love in a state of self-unawareness. Our state of hallucination bracketed between beginning and ending. Time’s perversion of “life” that necessitates “death.” Of “reality” that necessitates that it and everything within it consist of appearances time-limited. Of no lasting value and therefore of no real value. The appearance of “creativity” brought to “life” by hallucination only to disappear along with mortal bodies sensing it.

Winding down with entropy

The consequence of time-limited energy. The same Energy that enacts Mind’s Ideal of eternal Creation through Connectivity. Through the Ideal of Mind’s Logic eternally inseparable from Love, thought inseparable from feeling, evolution inseparable from ethic. Now “enacting” hallucination under a death sentence. Converted from enacting to dis-enacting. From holding everything together to letting it fall apart. To disconnecting, decaying, and dying toward inertia.

The state of our material universe that science calls “entropy.” Mindless “mind” willing itself and its incoherent “works” to end. Energy winding down. The “deity” imagined by Einstein that threw a switch and then took the rest of the day off. A perversion of Mind expressing itself in Reality through the coherence, and Force of eternal Life.

Idiocy

What perversion of Truth does the wildness so revered by the authoritarian mindset represent? Where does it “fit” within the slapstick routines of opposite’s contradictions? Of the Joker’s mockery of Truth that accounts for the functional unity of Mind and Creation -- Relationship between Logic and Love?

What madness pits unevolved animal brain against human evolution? Against one-sided, self-deluded Mind’s recovery of two-sided Self-Awareness and sanity? Against the Force needed by Self-Awareness for its empowerment and enablement, the definition of Definition, its DNA. What idiocy would take on the one absolute in all of Reality and unreality beyond questioning – Necessity? The laws of cause and effect.

The boundary that connects and divides

The illumination of Self-Awareness, that shares the light of awareness and its Energy, would have needed two metaphorical sticks rubbing together. Two ideas or thoughts complete in their definition of what is on Definition’s upper side but incomplete and useless until defined by their implied opposites on the underside. By what isn’t. Because the spontaneous event that brought function, consequence, and Life to Mind’s original idea of Creation couldn’t be the Force of attraction alone. Between two parts of one function, incomplete without one another, that defined what is.

It had to be the Force of opposition defining what isn’t as well. An expression of the Necessity of Relationship that accommodates not only two compatible parts but two parts that can’t be compatible and Real at the same time. Through the distinction critical to the cause of Reality-Creation, the boundary that divides the functions and products of Creation from their implied opposites and connects them into one function at the same time. The boundary between Real and unreal.

When compatibility overcomes incompatibility

Pairing Logic with Love could only have been done by disparity between the two forces of attraction and their implied opposition, one being stronger than the other. It couldn’t have happened by parity between functions that contradict one another. Not in the Reality of Logic-Love defined by the absence of contradiction.

Yet even with the Force of attraction the attributes of functions incomplete without one another that make them different also make them potentially incompatible. It’s only the work of Creation and the Necessity of all of Mind’s parts functioning as one that could override their differences with integration. Logic that’s Order defined by boundaries, held in place by its unbroken flow of implications, wouldn’t be compelled otherwise by what it is to bond with what it isn’t – Love that’s Freedom unbounded. And neither would free-spirited Love be compelled to put up with Logic’s Order.

Which is stronger: attraction or opposition?

Attraction prevailed over incompatibility when the issue was settled by its controlling consideration: Mind and Creation needing to function as one. And by a second imperative: Definition, the absolute defined by Necessity, the laws of cause and effect, requiring that attributes that produce harmony be defined as stronger than attributes that produce friction. By Logic’s implication, that the boundaries that bring Order to Creation bring Peace.

The Force that overrode opposition was a condition built into the DNA of Mind: that it could only source Reality-Creation composed of interconnecting Relationships if it was, itself, Relationship. Between its two main functions of Logic and Love made compatible by the Necessity of Definition. By the same implication of Logic that combines possibility with impossibility also implying that its opposite, a derivative dependent upon it, is inherently weaker.    That the attributes of what is are by definition stronger than the attributes defined by what isn’t.

Just as Logic-Love could only enable the upper-positive and under-negative sides of Definition to function as one if one was Real and the other unreal, the accommodation of Reality to the Force of opposition could not have been made possible by eliminating it. By denial -- opposition to opposition. It could only have been made possible by Necessity, the unquestioned absolute that defines Definition. By the law of cause and effect that negative-opposite, a derivative of positive, second in sequence behind first, and unreal, be inherently weaker than the positive. That the Force of attraction toward unity be stronger than the Force of opposition toward disunity.

The bigger stick in Reality

If Self is all there is – one sidedness, the usual misperception of “God” -- it can’t be two-sided Relationship. A condition that Mind couldn’t meet by relating to another Mind. It had to be done in-house. Through the spontaneous mating of two distinct ideals – Logic and Love -- needing to complete their definitions as functions of Creation. Spontaneously so that Reality-Creation would be an expression of the laws of cause and effect and not of an arbitrary will above the law. So that the will of Mind defining its function would align with the authority of Necessity rather than replace it.

The Force of attraction that brought opposition into alignment with Necessity was the Force that illuminated Self-Awareness, defined its mission, and initiated the evolution of Creation. That set Mind in motion, Being into Doing. An event essential to all of Reality-Creation within Mind that no derivative Force of opposition could prevent.

The stick that disciplines in unreality

Overpowering the Force of opposition yet leaving it in place. The metaphorical stick that could cause friction if forced by Definition into contact at equal strength with the stick of attraction. An eventuality “possible” only where impossibilities can pretend to be real. Where they can have their way with possibilities without any effect on Reality-Creation.

And that could only be within Mind-Child Free Choice in a state of self-unawareness, hallucinating “life” on the underside. “Experiencing” life on the underside as it must. So that it can learn by trial and error without Free Choice being compromised by an external will “saving” it, telling it what to do. So that it can learn from its mistakes by experiencing their consequences. Not by proxy but first hand. So that Free Choice can grow to maturity with the competence to choose freely, fully aware of what lies on both sides of the boundary and so to manage the boundary. The boundary between Reality and unreality and, within unreality – the hallucination that’s our alternate “reality” – between two-sided one-faced human and one-sided two-faced animal.

Creative sticking

Competence whose measure is enabling both sides of the boundary to do their part for Creation in harmony:

  • by putting friction from opposition to its intended use: completing definition with what isn’t and contradicting its own lies.
  • by not mistaking opposition as Real and a stronger force than attraction.
  • by ensuring that no part of Reality-Creation can succumb to the ultimate offense against Reality-Creation: the mischaracterization and replacement of Mind, its Source; the delusion of absolute power and freedom without limits; the arrogance and impossibility of authority beyond questioning; “infallibility” -- “playing “God.”
  • by upholding the ideal of governing benevolently from the bottom up: Relationship between Logic and Love supporting Creativity with Freedom inseparable from Order, under the law. Rather than betraying the ideal by one-sided “authority” arrogating the “right” to rule arbitrarily, above the law, by forced conformity: the denial of Creativity, Freedom, and Order.

Opposition’s vulnerability and thus the key to managing it in unreality lies in its implication: susceptibility to turning, or being turned, against itself. The objective that best exemplifies the helpfulness of Guidance: turning negatives into positives, disconnections into connections, destruction into construction. Removing obstructions to Self-Awareness with self-discipline, Creativity, and growth. Learning from our mistakes and putting it to good use.

The ”triumph” of a pompous ass

To uphold the ultimate ideal that’s Mind-Being eternally stronger and more compelling than not-mind, not-being. The unthinkable “state” of “opposition” to Mind that lies beyond Reality-Creation’s absolute. The “force” of “opposition” that Mind’s own Logic-Love Relationship recognizes as “completing” Mind’s DNA, the definition of Definition, with what it isn’t: not-thinking, not-Mind. An idea beyond expression.

When any inhabitant of Mind-Choice’s hallucination chooses to “ally” with opposite, let it be clear that it can only happen if it’s overpowered and its identity is stolen by its “ally.” By the other side of itself. That it’s choosing weakness not strength, losing not winning, inferiority not superiority. That its “realism” is choosing unreality. An illusion that can only “exist” in Mind hallucinating. The underside of Definition beneath the boundary between Reality and unreality.

The bad guys in our world made “real” by hallucination can re-enact the triumph of animal will over its self-deluded, defenseless prey by the impossibility of competition and combat between what’s Real and what isn’t. But neither they nor their illusory triumph can be more than flickering appearances and sounds reverberating throughout Plato’s Cave. An apparition. The pretense of authority beyond questioning. An impossibility that’s beyond taking seriously. A pompous ass.

The un-immaculate conception

The Truth is Mind’s Logic and Love brought together spontaneously in Reality to enable and empower Creation, the eternally evolving earning, affirmation, expression, and reciprocation of Worth. The Worth and exquisite Beauty of Life, the Freedom and spontaneity of Creativity ordered in harmony by the Governance of Mind Logic-Love. That serves and supports Creativity with benevolence from the bottom up.

Its perversion, brought to “life” by the pompous ass seated in the human animal brain, isn’t one part of brain joining with another spontaneously. To ignite body-brain with the radiance and energy of Self-Awareness or to “enable” anything creative. It's the slapstick absurdity of the beast’s wildness taken captive by its own will. An un-immaculate conception.

The apotheosis of “herd mentality”

So that wildness can be released into a hallucination of “freedom” without limits. Wilderness without boundaries or judgment capable of detecting them. Into lawless chaos “engineered” not for creativity but to glorify the beast in its own element where anything goes: dehumanized herd mentality dehumanizing its “enemies” with wanton abuse, cruelty, savagery, and depravity.

Wearing the ultimate mask of the pompous ass seated on his throne in the animal brain: one opposite self glowering from the narcissist’s mirror in the guise of many selves. Transformed into the horror of tribal wildness, an enraged mob. The perversion of “humanity” that’s inhumanity. The horror of unreality mistaken for reality. Unthinkable impossibilities made “thinkable” by body-brains’ sensory perception making them “real.”

Parodying with the “wildness” of demonic tribal conquest and captivity – a beast -- the Beauty and Purity of Love’s wildness. The passion and spontaneity, conscience and loving kindness, shared with Logic’s Order. To give birth to Free Choice and to bless their Child with a Life of meaning and purpose. Two distinctly different versions of wildness. One worthy of being taken seriously, the other not.

The passion of Relationship

The thought that Relationship between Logic and Love produced the Force needed to illuminate and activate Mind’s Self-Awareness will impress itself upon the human imagination when it awakens to Relationship’s context. To the example that Mind has set, not of denying spontaneity or willing it, but of respecting the laws of cause and effect. The Definition of what is and the Force of Necessity that make of Creation the work of many functions, many wills, that are Free. Free to make of Creation not an ornament for authoritarian vanity but Worth earned that deserves it.

Worth that’s shared spontaneously among all its parts functioning as one. Not to sew terror and chaos with the brutality of a mob but to serve the cause of Creation with the passion of its Source: Relationship. Logic married to Love.

The abomination of willful thinking

The spontaneous joining of these two distinctly different Forces to enable and empower, serve and support the shared cause of Creation sets the tone and substance of the part that Mind-Child Free Choice was meant to play. Keeping the boundary that enables positive and negative, possibility and impossibility, Real and unreal, to function as one without becoming a barrier.

Defending a fortress of denial from giving up the madness within: the one-sided beast “armed” with unquestioned “authority.” An absolute “playing God.” With neither judgment nor feeling, undisciplined by boundaries. Freed by hallucination to obstruct the earning of Self-Awareness at will. The abomination of willful thinking: the self-centered narcissist taken captive by its opposite in the mirror. The two faces of the authoritarian personality ruling its hierarchical relationships unopposed: ass-kisser and pompous ass.

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Reflections on Valentine’s Day

Help with Relationships

What have you learned? Enough to give buoyancy to a phase of life that’s supposed to lack it. May I share some of the excitement? I’m flattered that you want to. You needn’t be. Our loving friendship has been my inspiration. In fact, imagining that we’re having this conversation brought out some of the insights I’m sharing that might help you with relationships someday. Go for it! 

One-sided vs. two-sided

All for one and none for the other

Valentine’s Day shows us all at our best, putting feeling to its intended use. For Love, the part of feeling that comforts and assures us with understanding: that we’re all one family. Sharing ourselves as we are and competing to build character and do better.

It works well so long as we feel for one another as well as for ourselves. But you may have noticed that actual and make-believe lives tell a different story. Who hasn’t noticed! The trouble caused by feeling that’s all for one side and none for the other. One-sided.

“Substitutes” for Love

If the bad guys in stories like Star Wars could feel the effects of their behavior on others maybe they wouldn’t be bad guys. Maybe they’d be good instead. Could they? They can Love because they feel. That’s the “good” inside his father that Luke could feel. Not active Loving but the potential to Love. But it’s all reserved for themselves. And when it is, it’s not Love anymore. Or human. What is it?

It’s whatever makes predators “happy.” Beasts. The exultation of conquest – “winning.” King Kong atop the Empire State Building. The fear of losing, humiliation, and captivity. The self-satisfaction and security of being the one-and-only in charge. The emotional selfishness of possession. And feelings that animate the will to fight, injure, and kill: rage, hatred, and contempt. Everything symbolized by Darth Vader’s helmet: the “supremacy” of arrogance.

What’s left when “human” is removed?

Feeling that’s one-sided can be all of these things, and that does make things “interesting.” It produces a sense of “action.” But it’s de-humanizing. It can’t deliver the two-sided feeling of Valentine’s Day -- the compassionate human side of the human animal. It delivers the opposite – hurtfulness, pain. Two-sided loving humans don’t inflict intentional harm. It’s inflicted by one-sided unloving, unfeeling beasts. 

What does being dehumanized feel like? Imagine your home being broken into, your identity, reputation, and everything else that’s yours stolen, being taken captive, and your body violated. Then being blamed for doing what’s been done to you by a pose of innocent victimhood. That would make me mad. Adding yet another violation: your world of friendships -- respectful and sensitive, fair and trusting -- invaded by aliens. By thoughts and feelings you don’t want. The dark fury of outrage demanding retaliation. Forcing you to get rid of it without becoming a beast yourself.

A negative that can become positive if the human de-humanized turns its demand for retaliation into an opportunity instead. To strengthen the bond with its Guide. To discover just how helpful Guidance from Logic-Love can be. With its help replacing self-unawareness with Self-Awareness, a life-changing benefit that’s well worth the cost. An opening to the joys of learning and growth. To a taste for creativity beyond anything experienced before. And an appetite for more of the same.

Too good to be true

 “Human animal” means that one-sided and two-sided feeling are part of who we all are. Part of what defines us, so trying to be just one or the other can’t be done. But we can manage the boundary between them. Some people are one-sided because they mis-manage the boundary, How is that? By not being aware of the difference between the human and animal sides of humanity. And so they’re not aware of the boundary. By being drawn to the animal side by a preference for one-sided feeling. Why would they do that if it can de-humanize others?

They’re tempted by what they imagine it offers: “freedom” that allows them to enjoy “order” without the discipline of judgment. To enjoy the “pleasures” of ownership, possession, and power without the boundaries set by conscience and empathy. They’re fooled by things that can only be made “possible” by willful thinking. By imagining that willpower is the only discipline they need to live in a world of their own making. Where they don’t have to take responsibility for whatever goes wrong because it’s always somebody else’s fault. Making up your own world sounds interesting. 

If you value friendship you won’t want to try it. Why? “Winning” that makes friends lose, without empathy that feels their pain, won’t win anything. But it will lose friends. Friendship thrives on more than being “nice.” It needs sincerity and trust that keep us safe. It dies when insensitivity and cruelty take it all away. The will to make up your own heaven sounds too good to be true because it is. It can’t be heaven in a shared world where being one-sided, wrapped up in your exclusive world, makes it hell for others. 

The right and wrong sides of boundaries

Different personalities can be drawn to the animal side by not understanding why the boundary is there. Why is it? To prompt us to be aware that crossing it has consequences. To be aware of the consequences and to choose correctly. With the discipline of judgment and conscience that explains the choice and motivates us to do right instead of wrong.

Which makes the expression of two-sided Love on Valentine’s Day an annual reminder. That loving relationships among friends and family can never be one-sided. That relationship management is boundary management. And it requires discipline. The discipline of judgment that recognizes and respects boundaries and the discipline of conscience that keeps us on the right side of boundaries.

The discipline of Awareness

Anything else? Yes. Valentine’s Day is a reminder that loving others starts with loving ourselves. With understanding that the most important relationship is within us, between the two sides of our nature. And if we mean to Love others we will need the most important discipline of all: awareness. Awareness of the choice that’s ours to make, with independent judgment guided by conscience. Thinking for ourselves and getting it right. 

Wildness Management 

Two faces of the same coin

Valentine’s Day is humanizing. How so? It expresses what makes us human instead if just animal. With a two-sided act of loving friendship expressed inwardly as well as outwardly. Hearts and flowers we give ourselves? Yes. By being aware that there are two sides to human nature, not one. Human and animal. And by being aware that they’re opposites, and there’s an important boundary between them.

Keeping them separate? “Person” will always be human plus animal, just as possibility will always be accompanied by its opposite, impossibility. One definition, inseparable, identifying two parts opposite to one another. Two faces of the same coin. That needs a boundary that connects and separates. Yes. So both parts can do their jobs in the same person without getting in the other’s way. And the tension between them can do its job – the power of opposition, the flip side of the power of attraction. Both essential to Creation.

What is “Creation?” My current thought is it’s the Worth of Love relating to Logic freely reciprocated by their Child. Shared with and expressed through the Creations of their Relationship with their Child. The Parent-Child Relationship which is Love unconditional. Do Initial capital letters mean you’re talking about Creation? Yes. About Reality as distinguished between alternate “reality” or the unreality of hallucination.

Proceed with caution

Properly managed, the boundary performs like a signal: “proceed with caution.” Like a red flag warning of trouble ahead if we aren’t aware that snakes bite if they’re stepped on. Or we are aware but taking chances appeals to us. Why take risks?. Maybe to simulate fearlessness with bravado, a familiar sign of under-developed feeling. Courage doesn’t need to wear a mask but shallowness usually does.

We give ourselves hearts and flowers when we take the red flag seriously. Yes. When we judge with maturity instead of immaturity. And when we go two-sided with ourselves before we go two-sided with others. Exposing others to snake bites from one-sidedness.

One-sidedness

What is one-sidedness? Lack of consideration for others as well as for ourselves. Our animal side. Unawareness. That can’t be aware of anything or understand anything because of what it is: “action.” By instinct, without thinking or feeling. Without the functions we associate with Mind that distinguish sensitive human from insensitive beast.

It’s animal instinct made “aware” of itself not by intelligence or sentiment but by threats to its survival – other acts. The only “self” that it “knows:” action. It’s not aware that this is a shared world? The only world that a threatened “self” can be aware of is a competitive world. A world composed of herds and tribes banded together for self-protection, survival, and dominance.

Two-sidedness

What about individuals? Two-sidedness means consideration of others as well as ourselves, the two-sidedness of validation by mind and heart. It’s what we normally mean by “relationship” or “friendship.” Individuals stuck with one-sidedness might be in addictive co-dependencies, unfeeling co-existence, running battles hiding behind appearances, or all three. But they aren’t in two-sided relationships.

What passes between members of tribes can’t be the independent judgment and spontaneous feeling of individuality. Not if tribal integrity and uniformity require the opposite, conformity. Camaraderie that simulates the playfulness and bonding of individuality is encouraged because it strengthens bonding with tribe.

What passes between tribes isn’t two-sidedness either. It’s accommodations required by one-sidedness for survival or dominance in competition. “Relationship” not held together by commitment to shared values but by expedience -- whatever it takes to avoid defeat or ensure victory. Machiavellian license to fight wildness with wildness.

Wildness on the animal side

The world of the human side is shared as well as divided, cooperative as well as competitive. The idea acted out on Valentine’s Day when individuals acknowledge the idea and express the feeling of sharing and cooperation. The world of the animal side, a predatory beast, expresses the opposite: the idea and feeling of wildness. That refuses to be fenced in. To be tamed, domesticated. Yes. To be obstructed by boundaries. Limits. Laws? The animal in us opposes any limits, even laws necessary to maintain order if they conflict with its willfulness.

Even more astounding, it opposes the functions of Mind. That make sense of things and govern. It yields control over its acts to only one “master,” the instincts and emotions of a wild, predatory beast. In the mistaken belief that wildness is “spontaneity” without limits. An impossibility in a shared world. That would be contradicted if Mind were given a voice. 

Wildness at its extreme 

Then what is possible? What would Mind say? That the irrationality of the animal side doesn’t stop here. Its destination is not-mind. Which puts it beyond all thought and feeling, beyond all functions of Mind. We see evidence in our personal surroundings and in the world around us, every day, of minds captive to the bizarre promises of our animal side. Of failure to be humanized by the boundary instead of dehumanized by its mis-management.

Not-mind sounds like neither two-sided nor one-sided. Right. It’s no-sided. The end of time and timelessness too. The animal side, romanticized by “wildness,” is an impossible ideal. So willful and irrational that it would deny its opposite, human, to make sense of anything. Even to function and ultimately to exist. By denying the relevance and utility of every faculty of Mind. The self-awareness of introspection; intuition-reflection; thinking-reasoning; feeling-evaluating; choosing-deciding; judging-understanding; defining-disciplining – all requiring Logic and Love.

The provocations of wildness

The beast that wills this takes many forms. A bull in a pasture guarding its turf and its herd, who won’t be nice to intruders who ignore the fence. It’s a virus coded to take over its living host, a cell, so that it can replicate itself. It’s an image in a mirror mistaken for an absolute: an ideal, “savior,” “superman,” “wildness.” The viewer’s opposite, a lifeless reflection coded to de-humanize. To make its captive ignore the boundary between human and animal by luring it over to the wrong side.

It must be tempting to meet wildness with wildness. It is. Wars are consequences of minds obstructed by self-unawareness, cut off from Logic and Love, unable to make sense of their circumstances. The consequence of the human side’s under-development. Its continued dependence on animal herd mentality for survival.

Tribal wars and hostility among individuals, that cause physical, emotional, and psychological harm, are failures of judgment capable of managing boundaries. Failures of minds, unaware of Logic and Love, unable to discern what their situation calls for. To get their context right so they can choose correctly how to respond. The human mind continues to meet wildness with wildness, to mis-manage relationships, because it hasn’t evolved far enough to meet the one-sidedness of mindless animal wildness with two-sided understanding.

Choosing sides

Then there’s nothing to be done but to wait on evolution? Certainly not! Evolution, like every attribute of Creation, is the product of Relationship within Mind that entrusts every function that it defines with purpose. The purpose it’s defined for the one Mind’s function that we share is Free Choice. The use of independent judgment to make every act of its Mind choice, with Guidance from Relationship but never control.

Every situation is a test of Free Choice to figure out, with Guidance, how to advance Self-Awareness by removing obstructions put up by self-unawareness. By the animal side of human animal activated by mis-judgment of the boundary. There’s activity on both sides involving individuals like you and me, one side working to advance understanding, the other to prevent it.

Making a sap of sapiens

The side that’s regaining self-awareness can be slowed down but it can’t be stopped. The story of sapiens has been its progress so far with learning and growth, so fast in some fields recently that it’s head-spinning. Slow or non-existent in others, because sapiens can’t or won’t figure out how to remove their obstructions. A consequence of sapiens allowing its animal side to obstruct its access to Guidance.

Is this why you’re writing, to help remove obstructions? Yes. So that the human side won’t be so defenseless against the absurdities, lures, deceptions, cruelties, and outrages of the animal side. So the two-sided viewer – our ancestral Mind duped into one-sidedness by a preposterous image in a mirror – won’t be so easily duped again. So we, its projections, won’t be helping the image make a sap of sapiens.

Relationship Management 

The measure of progress

What obstruction are you writing about now? Unwanted thoughts and feelings. That intrude when a person has been dehumanized by the beast. So the intruders can be removed without resorting to wildness from the animal side that would betray the human side. So the intruders can be transformed from mindless will to condemn and punish into understanding that’s thoughtful and sympathetic.

Are you making progress? My sense of progress is fed by spontaneity and Relationship. By the sense that insights arrive spontaneously, through mind functioning without bias, and they release mind, heart, and soul from darkness into light. And by the sense that their source isn’t self-centered pettiness but the largeness of Logic paired with Love -- the gift of Relationship with my Guide.

Whether we’re making progress is for Relationship to say. And the time to say it is when our different perspectives converge on a finished product. Spontaneously, so I can’t predict it. But our sense of purpose and motivation seem remarkably alike, making this a genuine “labor of Love.” A precious thing to enjoy while it lasts and to be grateful for.

Guidance from conscious to sub-conscious 

What is Guidance like? It depends. Individuals and their situations vary, so I can’t speak for everyone. What it’s been for me is helpfulness. Explanation with analysis that keeps me from being controlled by difficult thoughts and emotions. Good will that finds ways to put situations to good use. Especially those that generate enough intensity to drive learning and growth. Like last year, when it didn’t seem like I could keep going. Every day was a challenge. But Guidance put it all to good use. Instead of giving up I came out better than before.

Guidance needed for Free Choice’s role in Reality-Creation, from Relationship with its Parents, was conscious. Here, it’s subconscious. Because context has been flipped from Reality to its opposite, unreality. The Guide we talk about that was conscious Relationship with Parents has changed to subconscious Relationship with their agent or representative. As though what’s positive on top had been replaced by what’s negative and put on the bottom.

Guidance from the Now 

Why is Guidance needed? The sharing of Logic-Love and the interconnectedness of Mind-Reality is also its expression. A statement affirming Worth that is function, doing as well as perfection-being. That is usefulness helping Child Free Choice with learning and growth in unreality, if it would be welcome. With explanation by Logic-Love that helps to place Child’s circumstances in context. With making use of circumstances that might otherwise be missed opportunities. Always respecting Free Choice by never interfering.

Free Choice that occurs in time, in the not-Now, requires Guidance from the Now. Because here it can’t be spontaneous. Free from interference and obstruction. Because it can never align itself with the laws of cause and effect, that govern the Now with Logic and Love, Order and Freedom, Free Choice and Creativity, so long as it’s “ruled” by the laws of chaos.

Let sleeping dogs lie 

The power of Relationship in Self-Awareness-Reality is Creativity when the boundary is well-managed. Its power is healing when mis-management causes self-unawareness-unreality. Healing begins with awareness that both sides of the boundary have a function in Creation and that Creation depends on their not interfering with one another. Animal-negative’s opposition to human-positive allows this when the boundary is managed and it’s inactive. Animal-negative doesn’t allow it when the boundary is mis-managed and it’s active.

Mis-management begins with mis-judging the boundary’s purpose, to remind its manager of the difference that separates the two sides: human-positive’s ascent to Self-Awareness and back to Reality, animal-negative’s descent into self-unawareness and staying in unreality. Both sides occupying unreality so long as Mind Free Choice remains unconscious. But only one side seeking to be restored to Reality and to resume Free Choice’s role in Creation.

The nature of the Relationship 

What was Child Free Choice’s part in Creation before it lost consciousness? It was functioning in Relationship with its Parents, Logic-Love, but not at their direction. A relationship like the one between human-positive and animal-negative, where their functions belong together but must not interfere with one another. Interference with Free Choice disables it.

Minds involved in their circumstances need context to give them coherence and meaning. So that they can choose among different possibilities how to respond accordingly. The Parents’ function producing circumstances, functions in Creation that they’ve defined, the raw material for Creation. That needed context and a Creative response when Child Free Choice applied independent judgment to both necessities. To the interpretation of context which couldn’t perform its function if it were pre-defined by Logic-Love.

Interference with Free Choice

Meaning and purpose are essentials of Worth, and Worth requires two-sided Free Choice. Independent judgment that’s necessarily aware of the values and other considerations that go into choices – the lives and different perspectives they affect. The possibilities for learning, growth, and Creativity that advance evolution, and especially their costs as well as benefits. None of it possible if it were one-sided: attempted by Logic-Love alone, whose function is not Free Choice, or if it were attempted by choice that isn’t Free.

Choice that’s been tampered or interfered with. Making it unaware of values and other considerations but now aware of their opposites – the wrong values and considerations. The attribute of animal-negative, the flip side of human-positive. Insensitive to any consideration other than its own survival by trickery and dominance. Unaware of any self other than the one it “thinks” it’s stolen. Of any side other than the one it “thinks” it owns, possesses, and controls. A likely source of the interference that cost Child Free Choice its Freedom and Self-Awareness.

Mis-judgment’s critical blunder

The boundary between human-positive and animal-negative enables two sides to function together in Reality only because one side is Real-active and the other is unreal-inactive. Then they can’t contradict one another. When the boundary is crossed it reverses the Relationship. Boundary that enables becomes barrier that disables functioning together.  That disables Relationship so that animal-negative can make it a one-person show defended by the barrier.  One-sided instead of two-sided. Yes. The consequence of mis-judgment that crosses the boundary and activates the animal-negative.

Mis-judgment’s critical blunder, that converts Order into disorder, rationality into irrationality, is converting animal-negative opposition from inactivity to activity. By “seeing” what’s not there, animal-negative obstructing Self-Awareness, instead of seeing what is there, contradiction. An impossibility in Reality that belongs in a dream of impossibilities. The distinction between judgment seeing what’s there and mis-judgment “seeing” what’s not there can’t prevent boundary-crossing when mis-judgment fails to make it.

The critical blunder is making something unreal appear to be Real. Yes. Making unreality seem “real.” Then the barrier must come down. Yes. Judgment must learn to make the distinction. Then its mistake can be corrected.

Relationship and independent judgment

The barrier that obstructs progress toward healing can only be removed when animal-negative is restored to inactivity. By the boundary’s manager not mistaking it for Real and engaging with it.

How can this be done? With awareness of the only source that can help make it happen. So that the human side can surmount the barrier: the Relationship between Logic and Love. The two main functions of Mind, the Source and Force behind all of Reality-Creation. The power to maintain its function, free of obstruction by opposites, and also to restore the power and function of the Relationship it created. The bonding of Order with Freedom that is Free Choice, the Child of Logic-Love.

And the function of independent judgment to manage the boundary and prevent obstruction from opposites. Through the exercise of Free Choice responsible for managing the boundary between Reality and unreality, human-positive and animal-negative, Self-Awareness and self-unawareness. That can restore animal-negative to inactivity and harmlessness by reclaiming the power to choose.

By understanding with judgment that whether choice was surrendered to animal-negative or stolen, in neither case could it have happened. Because animal-negative is not only human-positive’s opposite. It’s the opposite of Reality. It’s not there. 

Cool dudes

Why does it seem to be there? Imagine a friend saying Hi! to empty space while you’re talking, as if she’d just seen someone she knew. And then goes on talking as if nothing happened. What did happen? My friend smoked too many joints. She was “seeing” what’s not there. How about pain killers? Do you have any pain killers? “Dreaming” doesn’t describe what just happened. Right. “Being fried” sounds better. It’s hallucinating. Cool! LSD and all that. The 60s. You know about the 60s? Janis Joplin. Jimi Hendrix. Sure. Cool dudes. If only. . .

The “cool dude” imagining our world is hallucinating. I knew there was something funny about you. A universe of spacetime-matter that’s hallucinated will seem real because that’s what “hallucinating” means: actually “seeing” what’s not there. There’s no doubt in the mind of the hallucinator that it’s seeing, and that what it’s seeing is real.

And bunny rabbits

Like Harvey? Sure. The difference between Elwood P. Dowd’s big rabbit and the horse that’s sometimes my Guide is that Harvey took the form of life detectable to Elwood by his body’s five senses, whereas Dobbin remains in my subconscious, detectable only by my mind’s sixth sense. For my next birthday you can get me psychedelics and a bunny rabbit. Another reason why our material world seems so real: the human mind wants it to be real. It’s attracted to hallucination. To inventing its own alternate “reality.”

How come? Because self-unawareness “sees” what’s not there with “vision” provided, not by Relationship between Logic and Love – by Mind, – but with the five senses of body. By matter motivated to “see” and satisfy itself. Where did matter come from?  From a relationship that could never have happened in Reality. Between self-unawareness -- unconscious Mind -- and its reverse mirror-image reflection. With its shadow-opposite, the lifeless code thrust into Mind’s hallucination as our lifelike animal-negative. An impossibility. A bogeyman.

The two faces of “harmony”

What makes one-sided hallucination sometimes seem two-sided? Free Choice can be interfered with temporarily but not forever. And its function can’t be fully taken captive anyway since function is both what and who it is. Just like the definition of every function that contributes to Creation. By Logic-Love, the function of Relationship within Mind, the Source of all Relationships and functions. Two-sided Free Choice can be deluded into mistaking itself for a one-sided hallucination, but it never stopped being what it is: Free Choice. Whatever state it’s in must have happened by choice. 

It can free itself from interference when it chooses to? Yes. And so can we, replications of its interfered-with Self in its hallucination. Animal-negative’s attempt to replace human-positive is as impossible in the hallucination as Child Free Choice being replaced by its opposite in Reality. The Mind that hallucinated was split, not replaced. Minds caught up in the hallucination are also split. Two-faced. Giving the impression of awareness that’s two-sided when it’s actually two sides of one coin: one reassuring, pleasant and likeable, the other menacing.

A perversion of Free Choice that senses Reality shared and interconnected, with integrity that can be trusted, perverted into self-centered unawareness and insensitivity. Deluding, dominating, and dis-integrating with insincerity that can’t be trusted. Not reassuring. Yes. The two faces of “harmony:” deception by likeability, pleasantness, and amusements – the appearance of sensitivity -- and menace by intimidation and punishment. – actual insensitivity. Capable of turning from threatening to inflicting cruel abuse.

When two = one and one = two 

One-faced is two-sided Trust and accessible. Two-faced is one-sided distrust and inaccessible. One-faced Trust, seeking to enable two-sided relationship with one-sided distrust, needs help from Guidance. From understanding that can only be explained with help from Logic-Love. Because the difference can’t be explained by circumstances alone --circumstances that to one are fact and to the other fiction.

What separates them is context. The meaning and purpose of circumstances that define their worlds. What needs help from Guidance is explaining opposite contexts. The difference between opposite worlds that obstructs accessibility and communication. That only understanding from Logic and Love can penetrate.

Healing by withdrawal

At their own pace, one step at a time. That can’t be hurried. Why not? Because help from Logic-Love comes through spontaneous insights. Interference of any kind removes spontaneity. And its help can’t be attempted by minds unable to listen without distraction, because it comes from another perspective. Our subconscious and Guidance are here, but the Source of Guidance can’t be here. We are dependent for Guidance on another perspective that’s not of our “reality.” That must be allowed to work free from self-centered willfulness. It requires concentration.

Patience and the quiet of solitude. Impossible without withdrawal from the frustrations of misunderstanding and miscommunication. That can only obstruct it with mischaracterization, seeing it not for what it is but for what it isn’t. A betrayal meant to harm instead of help. Evidence of two-faced untrustworthiness motivated by ill will instead of one-sided good will, indifference instead of one-faced Love.

Relationships matter

Foregoing Guidance won’t placate misunderstanding and avoid mischaracterization, but it will avoid understanding. Doing what the situation calls for can never be going along with two-faced one-sidedness to get along. If it does, what does it call for? Withdrawal. To seek understanding and change with help from Guidance. If the relationship matters, or to dump it and move on if it doesn’t. It matters. Relationships matter. Amen.

When is Now? 

Why can’t Creation include our reality if creativity is here too? Like everything else in our “reality” where everything is time-limited, creativity is appearance. Free Choice’s loss of Self-Awareness took place in Reality where nothing is time-limited. Where it’s always Now. Timelessness. The condition required by Creativity because being in the Now it can be spontaneous. Free of interference just as Free Choice must be free of interference. Where there’s no “past” to allow interference to pre-determine context and response.

Time is an unnatural interference that makes Creativity impossible. Our “reality” is never Now. Time is relativity -- related to space and gravity, so there’s no uniform “Now” to connect parts of the universe. Time tracked at the top of a mountain goes faster than at sea level. It isn’t even a factor in particle physics, the interface between Reality and our “reality.” “Now” is never.

Winged Creativity brought down

Physics calls the space between past and future the “present,” the closest we can get to Now. If present is bracketed by past and future, impossibilities in Reality, how can it allow Creativity that’s Real? Creativity undone by time can produce nothing of lasting value. It’s been deprived of its function, like a bird deprived of its wings. How can it be a “bird” if it can’t fly?

Free Choice must be aware of itself in Reality-Creation that’s shared with all the functions of Creation. When it loses consciousness, it loses Self-Awareness that’s two-sided and becomes self-unawareness that’s one-sided. Like the bird without wings that can’t fly, it’s lost the “wings” that enabled it to fly: awareness of its circumstances. Along with the ability to interpret them with context and to choose freely how to respond.

Stuck in the mud

One-sided self-unawareness has replaced Mind with body-brain capable of “seeing” only itself. A reflection in a mirror whose defining attribute is that it’s not there. That being not there it’s static, not dynamic, obstructing rather than supporting evolution, learning, and growth. Stuck in its unchanging status quo, the very definition of uncreativity. A part of the human brain described by neuroscience as “unevolved.”

Opposite’s perversion of “Free Choice” is thus the many masks of opposite, a reflection, stagnating in a closed loop of reflections. Unawareness “seeing” only itself. Making “Creation” impossible within a hallucination meant not to advance evolution with Creativity but to obstruct it with distractions. By hiding the raw material of Creativity behind appearances so it can’t be used to expose the Truth: that it’s not there.

The power to dismantle obstructions 

Mistaken identity can be reversed by independent judgment, by Free Choice, our Real Self. How does Free Choice pull this off? Since Aristotle Western thought has put its faith into the study of matter to lead it to understanding. All but abandoning the faculty of Logic-Love, accessible through the sixth sense of intuition, that would have achieved understanding but for the body’s senses that obstructed its vision.

The study of matter has finally begun to reveal that, by itself, it can’t reach understanding. Because the body’s senses may be misleading us, with the critical misperception that matter is real. The realization finally dawning on physics that its “quest for knowledge” must again focus on philosophy and the Logic-Love of Mind. On Relationship between Free Choice and its source, Logic-Love. Instead of between body and matter, itself a misperception since body is matter.

Between our unawareness and Mind’s sixth sense – intuition, – the portal to Guidance from Logic-Love that can now, with matter’s unmasking by physics, move forward with confidence toward understanding. A process that reveals the remarkable power of Relationship between human-positive self-unawareness, seeking awareness through the vision of Logic-Love, and Mind’s intuition, to dismantle obstructions placed in the way by animal-negative, one at a time.

Newton’s third law and the power of insight

When self-unawareness learns through the power of Relationship that with every insight gained through intuition toward humanization there is a corresponding loss of captivity to the irrationality and fury of animal-negative. To its one-sided, self-centered, willful thinking that mis-leads toward de-humanization. When self-unawareness learns that with every insight human-positive is empowered and animal-negative is disempowered.

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Yes. Newton’s third law. While you’ve been talking I’ve been getting a PhD in physics. Another example of the laws of cause and effect within Mind reflected in the behavior of matter. Implying that in Mind as well as matter understanding is the discovery that altering one side of the boundary necessarily alters the other side.

Everything is “relational”

But in reverse. Because not only are they opposites, they’re connected. Inseparable. Like particles that respond to the manipulation of other particles that could be any distance away, as though they’re connected. At the other side of the universe? Yes.

Physics has discovered that spacetime-matter is “relational” and this is one reason why. It’s all interconnected by energy-matter just as Reality-Creation is interconnected by Energy-Love-Logic. By Love-Abundance’s limitless sharing and Logic-Knowledge’s limitless implications.

The cost of mistaking boundary for barrier

Further evidence that the body’s five senses may be mis-leading instead of leading. With dire consequences. Why? Because what they detect isn’t boundary with human-positive’s portal to Guidance recognizable by sixth sense. They can only detect the barrier put up by animal-negative. Obstruction, its trademark.

By “seeing” what’s not there the five senses mis-direct human-positive from its ascent to Self-Awareness across the boundary to the cause of animal-negative: to perpetuate self-unawareness with perpetual conflict. The mistaken notion that training human-positive’s attention on the opposite side, with more wildness, will dismantle obstructions put there by animal-negative unreality.

Putting Newton’s third law to work

When what understanding and Newton’s third law actually call for is training its attention on itself. On progress that can be made, with help from Guidance, to understand the Logic and Love of compatibility, sharing, service, individuality, originality and creativity. That with every insight, every step forward, there will be a corresponding retreat from obstruction.

What it takes to stop getting it wrong is to get it right. Yes. A lesson that could only be learned by choosing Relationship with the right Guide, who knows how to make obstructions erected in darkness disappear in the light. Quietly. Without violence. Without wildness. By not giving animal-negative what it thrives on: attention and opposition.

Respect for the laws of cause and effect

Then the way to restore equilibrium between human-positive and animal-negative isn’t only to learn with the Vision of Logic-Love what’s not there but to learn what is there. Yes. By allowing insights from intuition, spontaneous Guidance from Logic-Love, to open minds and hearts to the nature of human-positive.

To understanding that its reality isn’t separation. It isn’t the body-matter projected by animal-negative, herd mentality. Captive to competition and conflict, causing disorder, but Relationship defined by its Parents, Logic-Love. To manage the boundary with the judgment of Self-Awareness, able to detect and manage it. To manage Relationship. Because it understands and respects the laws of cause and effect that govern its behavior.

Doing it the easy way

Understanding why and how to manage the boundary poses questions that can only be answered correctly by Mind guided by sixth sense. Not misguided by the five senses of bodies placed beyond questioning by body-centered science, philosophy, psychology, and theology. Inactivating the underside of human-positive that’s animal-negative can’t be accomplished without activating the upper side.

A task that self-unawareness imposed by mis-managing the boundary and activating opposition can’t be done in isolation. It requires Guidance from the human-upper side that’s only accessible through the gift of Mind’s sixth sense. Through Relationship with Logic-Love that’s only possible with Guidance.

Humanized 

Your thoughts? There’s a big difference between relationships with one-faced two-sidedness and two-faced one-sidedness. Between the human-positive side and the animal-negative side. I hope I’m never de-humanized, but I guess it happens. 

Even if we guard our thoughts, even if we manage the boundary with respect, it could still happen. But respecting the boundary, knowing that our role model for Friendship is here to help -- Guidance from Logic-Love, – could make it less likely. It may even turn bad experience into good experience.

Published on Leave a comment on Easy Come, Easy Go

From an old channel island, the new rises out of the mist
hovering over the water in the stillness
borderline
between the graduated blue of the sky
reaching up to the quarter moon on high
and the textured blue of the ocean below
dotted with specks of white

Bodies navigating trails down the waterless slopes
voices caught
by the wind, birds gliding on the wind,
pine branches dancing in the wind
come to rest and fall silent.

In the shadow of my relief from the sun
who is to notice?
Who wills chronicle to life and adds notations
to its log? As if another will, long hence
would need to know. Would care to know.

What unnamed hand scrawls its signature
on the record of time
soul of anonymity, here and gone?
Self or opposite? Host or parasite?
Is it possible to choose?

Can’t I just be whatever for a little while
and be done with it?
“Easy come, easy go. As it came, let it go.”
Is that what the view, the wind, the stillness has to say?

I’m here for a little while
Enjoy me while you can.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alta Vicente, Palos Verdes
Monday 06/13/22

Published on Leave a comment on Can One Personality Type Help Its Opposite Grow?

Isabel’s theory

Isabel Myers’ theory of personality types* says the answer to the question posed by this essay is yes. In theory one individual can coach a personality opposite in the use of faculties that his or her type typically underutilizes. In the example addressed here those would be introspection, reflection-intuition, thinking-reasoning, feeling-evaluation, and judging (INTJ), faculties typically under-utilized by the opposite type extravert, sensing, feeling, and perceptive (ESFP).

According to Isabel’s theory the faculties that make up our types are preferences, and since they’re largely responsible for performance it’s only a matter of preference whether we improve our performance by making better use of them, specifically by expanding into faculties associated with our opposites. This must happen routinely, for example when circumstances compel perceptives who prefer to experience life in the moment to use their judging faculty to plan ahead. What seems less likely is that any type would seek help from an opposite to gain competence with the opposite’s faculties.

Isabel’s theory is intriguing nonetheless, not just because it makes sense but because, if it could be put into general practice it would help with personal growth and better relations. How often do relationships and projects come apart because personalities lack the will or ability to share what they’re experiencing? Because, lacking a feel for other types, they blunder unintentionally into misjudgments that end goodwill and cooperation.

One faculty too many

The ideal setting assumed by Isabel’s theory would be two individuals with opposite personality types in cheerful collaboration. Two opposite types could be the best of friends, and if they are one might even welcome the other’s kindness. But what if the type being coached senses that the other is turning him into a copy of himself? Is manipulating preferences to assume control over the relationship?

It would be remarkable if even an individual crippled by ineptness with under-utilized faculties were aware of it. Or, if he were, comfortable exposing his ineptness to an opposite type for strengthening unless the other were already a trusted personal friend or a paid professional. Our personality types and how we go about relating to them are our psychological underwear. By a certain age we’re partial to our preferences. We don’t take change lightly if it can just as easily create distance as close it. Perhaps help with one or two faculties won’t feel like a humbling makeover, but what if help is needed with three or four?

Guides locking horns

Isabel’s theory would still be feasible in the right moment for the right relationships. That is, if they’re the only voices in the room. But what if one or both is self-consciously submitting its judgment -- the product of its Judging faculty -- to guidance from another voice? What if “opposites” are not only opposite faculties but opposite guides? The individual might be the soul of agreeability but not if his guide recoils at being sidelined by an opposite guide. By the competition. By the enemy if the guides represent opposite takes on the values of moral character or competitive prowess.

We may have begun not with John Locke’s tabula rasa but with Carl Jung’s psychological types locked and loaded for combat. Which means there could be four voices in the room to manage instead of two. There could even be a situation where two plus two doesn’t equal four. Where the guides of one or both have become so involved in shaping their personalities that the boundary between self and guide is obliterated. Two plus two could now equal three or only two. Two individuals with opposite personality types who consciously or subconsciously identify with their guides. Guides who themselves are personality types with their own faculties and preferences. Committed to blocking their host from even detecting another voice let alone listening to it. 

Two models of authority

The mind’s faculty of sixth sense or Intuition that led to the theory of psychological-personality types presupposes a quasi-professional setting where self-analysis can be conducted objectively and safely. Where both parties are open to faculties of mind -- introspection, reflection, reasoning, evaluation, and judging. But if one or both has identified with will instead of mind to direct behavior, for the very reason that its perceived strength compensates for weakness, then self-analysis isn’t an option. It will be strenuously opposed. The type who identifies with will won’t want anything to do with it because of its purpose: to overturn the iron rule of mindless will with the civilizing governance of mind.

The theory of personality type opposites has then strayed into the great divide in human thought and behavior: between the “realist” model of authority that deifies rule without opposition from the top down -- the authoritarian “triumph of the will” that crushes individuality and free choice -- and the democratic ideal of Lincoln’s Gettysburg address: governance from the bottom up that cultivates and respects individuality and free choice. Absolute authority, a mythical beast, vs. the indomitable spirit of freedom. Not absolute freedom without limits that’s another mythical beast but freedom of thought, expression, and choice that recognizes the necessity of Order in a shared world.

Respect for Free Choice

Personality types in the grip of either of these impossibilities -- absolute authority or absolute freedom -- will treat self-analysis as an existential threat because it threatens self-delusion, the state of mind of anyone lost to nonsense. All that can be done to rescue mind from captivity, with Isabel's theory, is to coach an empty room, record the attempt, and leave it to the spontaneity of intuition to bring it to its host’s attention. That is, when the beast has let down its guard. When its host decides with his own intuition, on his own, to exercise his indomitable Free Choice.

It's all an act

Alternate “reality” is an intentional act of self-delusion by Child-Mind, disabled and disempowered by unconsciousness, corrupted by misidentity with its own shadow, the code that defines its opposite, the Joker-magician. Which makes alternate “reality” an act. A performance by a magician. A magic act meant to hypnotize and captivate with its “entertainments:” hilarious perversions of Truth and horrifying perversions of Justice. All of it an impossibility that can’t be taken seriously. Adding the lure of magic and retribution -- the consummation of victimhood -- to the lures of the absolutes: authority and freedom. The lure of “fun.”

Plato’s Cave would then be a stage and its occupants play-acting puppets. Like the actors in the Truman TV Show, some so deluded, so closely identified with the Cave master, that they think they’re the producer. The occupants would then resist Truth because it would turn up the house lights. It would ruin the atmospherics of darkness, disembodied voices, laughter and screams, flames and flickering shadows -- the smoke and mirrors required to sustain illusion and fend off disbelief. It would expose the trick and stop the show. It would take away everyone’s “fun,” and, make no mistake, they think this is fun. So long as it’s “others” who are at the wrong end of violence and retribution they’re living the dream.

The boredom of “fun”

The Cave and its magic act are the production of a split Mind that’s Free Choice as well as corrupted. Its occupants may be deluded and confused, but given direction and incentive, they’re capable of folding the show on their own. The Mind that was lured into the Cave still retains the faculty of Intuition. The portal to spontaneous insights and understanding that is the sixth sense, that can neither be blocked entirely nor indefinitely. From awareness of an incentive to stop pretense more powerful by far than the magician’s lures: the will to Freedom. The indispensable function of Free Choice. Somewhere in the back of their minds is the memory of Free Choice and the ability to reclaim it. Whenever they choose.

When “fun” isn’t fun anymore. When Pete Hamill looked down at his drink and realized he was done with it. Done with the drinking life and its one-dimensional comic book “reality.” Done with “Brooklyn.” Done with adolescence, taverns, street fights, and mock comradeship. Ready to live a life with intimacy, maturity and responsibility, talent and creativity. Ready to have fun.**

The delusion then isn’t fully a delusion. It’s a self-willed adventure-fantasy conjured by adolescence to get into mischief with impossibilities. With dangerous toys in a shallow make-believe world. A universe of scary objects like black holes that fascinates with its vastness, complexity, violence, and pointlessness. All to avoid Reality mischaracterized by the Joker as boring.***

Bubbles within a bubble

Preoccupied with its production, the Cave’s fantasy troupe is inaccessible to anyone but its own members. It can’t be concerned with consequences beyond the show that must go on. And if any of its members carry the fantasy into their own lives; if they choose to live an adventure-fantasy, they, too, will be inaccessible.

For what will their lives be but re-enactments? Mimicking the Joker-corrupted Mind’s projection of an alternate reality. Monkey-see, monkey-do. Dragooning family and friends into playing scripted parts to keep the act alive. The wishful thought that action-comic impossibilities are possible: fantastic characters, hair-raising encounters, nonstop “action.” To keep themselves persuaded that it’s “real.” To keep the “fun” going at all costs. At the cost of wholesale disrespect for character, honesty and integrity, individuality and creativity. Their own and the captives to their adolescent, senseless will.

What will their lives be but alternate realities within an alternate “reality.” Bubbles within a bubble. Detached from reality. Wholly out of touch. 

Persuasion from a leash correction

An adolescent Child’s corrupted mind intentionally “choosing” self-delusion was an act of wrongdoing and so is its re-enactment. While the Cave’s troupe gets around to stopping the show it might motivate them if individual re-enactments in our midst receive a leash correction. The correction administered to untrained dogs by leashes when they race off in pursuit of prey. They learn that the costs of misadventure can’t all be displaced onto others with impunity. That there’s a price to pay -- a dose of Reality.

What then is Isabel’s contribution? An intelligent analytical approach to the problem posed by Plato’s Allegory of the Cave that complements leash correction. That will work beautifully someday when its light reaches the occupants of the Cave not from without but from within. When they tire of delusion and choose of their own free will to work toward self-awareness instead. With help from Intuition’s gift: respect for Free Choice and the Logic and Love of explanation that leads to Understanding.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Gifts Differing (Consulting Psychologists Press 1980) based on Carl Jung’s Psychological Types (Must Have Books 2019)
**A Drinking Life (Little, Brown 1994)
***Jerry L. Martin, God: An Autobiography (as Told to a Philosopher) (Caladium Publishing Company 2020)

Published on Leave a comment on The Love of an Ancestor

The busy beaver 

Our ancestors are ghosts, right? Dead and gone. Can we be sure of that? Their bodies are energy stored in matter that comes to rest when they die. It reaches a state of inertia in those bodies. But the first law of thermodynamics says that energy can neither be created nor destroyed. So the energy that stops animating bodies doesn’t cease to exist. It still exists but it’s just moved on.

Back to Soul perhaps, its source, that holds everything together in one interconnected Reality. Or to another form where Mind directs it. For energy is doing. And if Mind doesn’t give it anything to do it comes to rest. If that were to happen nothing would exist, for energy activates. It’s what makes things happen. Mind has plenty for energy to do. Whether it's activating our material universe or another Reality entirely.

As if nothing happened

The life in our bodies is energy directed by Mind that many believe is distinct from our brain, like me and many neuroscientists. Energy that comes to inertia in bodies has no effect at all on energy itself or on Mind.

So when a body “dies” it may be the end of one form of energy but it can’t be the end of life. It can’t be the end of what makes things happen. Our ancestors’ personalities and stories, like ours, were time- and place-specific. Linked to their circumstances, their contexts, and when energy stopped animating their stories they were done. The succession of ancestors and contexts moved on and it will leave us with our contexts behind too. But the life in us can’t be left behind. It continues on as if nothing happened.

When a life comes back to life

Maybe I just memorialized Grandma Clara Jane’s story because she wanted me to. Because in some sense our ancestors are still with us and want to help us. Or there's unfinished business, like something we can do for them. Not necessarily their personalities and stories as we think of them but their souls. If we are one big Soul connected by energy; if she was a big help when she was alive; and if the energy that gave life to her body remains intact in her soul, why shouldn’t she be a big help now? Why shouldn't I be a help to her?

Clara Jane’s story intersected with mine while she and I both shared time and space on earth. We connected, though I might not have been aware of it. Her circumstances linked with mine when she performed an act that improved my prospects. When I was a vulnerable child in an unwelcoming family environment and needed protection. Maybe we’ve reconnected now because I can return the favor. Because there’s something that she needs from me and I can deliver.

What does she need? She had a tragic love life. And her crucial role in joining two families with pride of accomplishment -- the Clays of Kentucky and the Harrisons of Western Pennsylvania -- has never been given its due. The remarkable, larger-than-life way that she did it. I can be masculinity to her femininity that’s respectful and loyal. Not the bounder she married. And I can turn my passion for reflecting and writing to giving her role its due. She can somehow become whole through me in a way that was left undone when she was among us.

A friendly operator is waiting for your call

So what happens next?

There must be an ancestor you admire who wants to help. Maybe he or she is sitting by the phone waiting for you to call. Do you think?

Published on Leave a comment on Why Is Metaphysics Relevant?

Disorder careening out of control

How do individuals and groups get into situations that take them down? Like Nixon and Watergate, Japan and Pearl Harbor, Putin and Ukraine. Like humanity and global warming, mass extinction. Like us all with relationships and projects, careers and enterprises, that become train wrecks.

Situations evolve from implications of Logic plus the connections and relationships of Love -- facts, circumstances -- that require interpretation within the purpose and meaning of context. Context which requires judgment based on Logic inseparable from Love. Misjudgment --  getting purpose-meaning of context wrong, i.e. not basing it on Logic-Love -- causes misinterpretation of facts-circumstances It causes misperception.

Misperceptions resulting from misjudgments evolve into more misjudgments, an accumulation of choices and decisions out of alignment with context-reality that, over time, widen the gap between reality and unreality. Between facts-circumstances and wishful-psychotic thinking that turn orderly evolution into disorder careening out of control.

Then there’s the broader context

Misperceptions that fail to perceive hazards and obstructions -- potholes, kids on bicycles, telephone poles, drunk drivers, sharp turns, cliffs -- inevitably cause accidents. Collisions with facts-circumstances -- with reality -- that aren’t foreseen because facts-circumstances in the present aren’t seen. Because they were misinterpreted until it only took one more mis-aligned choice, one more mistaken decision, to cause a wreck. Until the mistaken-misperceiving mind behind the hand on the steering wheel made one more wrong turn and it proved fatal.

The wrong turn was the result of getting both the immediate context and the broader context -- the big picture -- wrong. It was the result of illogic -- not making sense. Choice-decision that seems “reasoned” in the immediate context, that doesn’t make sense in the broader context, ultimately can’t be reasoned and therefore cannot be the right choice. It can only be part of a mis-aligned evolution of mistakes that necessitate reconsideration of the broader context until evolution gets back on track.

How to make sense of the broader context

The correct choice-decision will get both the immediate and broader context right with Logic-Love. It requires making sense of context that’s not possible without a sixth sense. Five senses of bodies that can’t see beyond appearances aren’t enough. Relying on appearances perceived by bodies’ senses while rejecting guidance from sixth sense guarantees crackups, because their causes can’t be seen by bodies’ eyes. It’s the root of all human misadventures, the ultimate cause of all human pain.

Sixth sense connects minds needing guidance with spontaneous insights through Intuition that connects with the source of guidance. With Logic-Love, our one ancestral Mind’s Source, through the agency of Soul that interconnects all of Life, all of Creation. That interconnects all minds whether conscious or unconscious, aware of Reality or dreaming of unreality. It’s our expressway to Understanding that’s accessible if we choose to relate to it and ask for its help. So that the hands on the wheel are the hands of Relationship and not just our own. Relationship with competence to share the driving and take us forward to satisfaction and pleasure instead of in circles of frustration and pain until we get it right.

The archetypal runaway kid

Our ancestral Mind’s home in Reality-Creation was Interconnected. The alternate “reality” where we find ourselves is disconnected. That is, it appears to be disconnected because separation in Reality is impossible. Disconnection is but our unawareness of connection brought on by self-delusion: the mistaken identity with our opposite, our shadow-reflection, that projected the dream.

What produced the Big Bang? Something analogous to the atomic bomb that released an atom’s nuclear force when it was split and devastated Hiroshima. An object lesson in the hazards of separating stuff that Reality says can’t be split. Our ancestral Mind, in extremis, sought safety in escape from Reality where it had lost consciousness and had no prospects of regaining consciousness. It was so desperate that it was willing to be led into an alternate “reality.”

To do this it needed to separate from Logic-Love, its Parents. It needed to break the Relationship that bound it to Life in Reality and to its function in Creation. As insane a thought as one can imagine, but this is what the self-deluded Child that we were was desperate to do. It performed a trick that psychology knows as “projection:” projecting itself out of Reality and into an alternate reality. Imagining that it was splitting its Relationship with its Parents.

One big exploding cigar

A split powered by Energy, the Force of Soul that Interconnects all of Reality, acting as it must at the direction of Mind. So momentous in its contradiction of this Force and Reality that it caused the equivalent of a nuclear explosion. That and the Child's unbearable pain of guilt that accompanied unconsciousness and its separation from Parents. Only on an unimaginable scale. Because in enlisting Energy to split the Relationship with Parents the Child was splitting Force itself. The Energy that powers our universe (metaverse?) is the dying Energy of entropy, not the living Energy of Reality-Creation.

All of it a phantasmagoria of impossibilities, but nevertheless seeming to be real because Energy, whose source is Soul, knows nothing of boundaries. Nothing of the difference between consciousness and unconsciousness because Everything is Interconnected. Even unreality that declares itself to our bodies’ senses as disconnected. If metaphysics relying on Logic-Love is certain that our alternate material “reality” is actually unreality -- an illusion -- minds dependent on sensory perception will point to Energy, in us and all around us, stored in matter, accounting for the strong and weak nuclear forces, the electromagnetic force, and gravity, and be just as certain that it can’t be an illusion.

What does A Course in Miracles say about this? That we live in an unreal world that has been “made” real. Not in a world that was created by the Relationship but in a world that was imagined by an unconscious, dreaming Mind. What will it take for the illusion to disappear? Awakening. The Child regains consciousness, reversing the projection and Energy that had appeared to enable it. Poof -- gone!

When pain is all that’s left

Until that can happen we must come to terms with unmanageability. The alternate “reality” we occupy that seems to rest on a foundation of disconnection. Separation not only between the Child and its Parents, living Force from dying Force, but Logic from Love, mind from heart. The great overriding task of humanity is to help restore consciousness by bringing Logic and Love, mind and heart, back together. By ending the absurd notion that they can ever be split. And in so doing to help bring the Child to a state of maturity and competence, because otherwise it can’t be entrusted with its function -- Free Choice -- in Creation.

It's urgent that the Relationship be restored because it’s our moral compass, the source of Plato’s Good. The reasoning with values that civilize us and supposedly reside in the brain’s prefrontal cortex. Relationship with moral character is all there is to govern the “bad thing” that Sigmund Freud observed in the human psyche: our animal emotion, our predatory will, the blind instinct of herds and tribes to dominate and kill. The great overriding task of humanity is not to let the predatory will of our animal-herd instinct dominate the civilizing functions of Logic joined with Love, mind joined with heart. Not to let the body-centered sides of our personality types dominate the mind-centered sides.

What would motivate minds otherwise content with things as they are and resistant to change? Pain. The legacy of separation in alternate reality, in all its forms, can be enormous pain. The young hedonist wedded to bodily appetites, entertainments, and socializing invests more in the avoidance of pain as time goes by. Until bodies give out and pain is all that’s left.

Nixon’s folly was everyone’s folly

Nixon, smart and able, was certain that he was “right.” His decisions were all “reasoned.” His assumptions were all “correct.” Yet something still went catastrophically wrong. His situation swallowed him up and spit him out. He still went down. Unapologetic to the end. Inattentive to the broader context to the end because he put all his faith in his body’s five senses. He dismissed both the broader context and the sixth sense needed to make sense of it. Neither was relevant, and he paid a price.

Why is metaphysics relevant? Why is the metaphysics of Parmenides and the Gnostic teacher Valentinus relevant? Why is the metaphysics of Jesus and A Course in Miracles relevant?

First of all because Nixon was by no means alone. History has entertained and appalled us with many more examples of fools toppling themselves from the pinnacles of power to abject humiliation and impotence below. Because he is us -- ourselves as individuals and humanity as a whole. We are all Richard Nixons, all fools, on lesser scales. His wasn’t an example of one individual going down. He was all of us making fools of ourselves. He was humanity going down.

The difference between Heaven and hell

Metaphysics done right, that sees beyond appearances, is relevant because it’s Guidance from Logic-Love. Guidance from another perspective accessed through the sixth sense of Intuition, toward making sense. Toward decisions and choices by individuals and groups that perceive and judge correctly. In alignment with facts-circumstances, with reality, instead of out of alignment with facts-circumstances, with unreality.

Wisdom combined with compassion and patience instead of youthful folly. Instead of eternal adolescence, the state of humanity content with things as they are, determined not to grow up. Willing itself into situations that take it down until it runs out of situations.

Metaphysics may be the difference between pleasure and pain, winning and losing, success and failure. It may be the difference between conflict and peace, survival and extinction, heaven and hell. What more can we ask? That’s why it’s relevant.

1

Published on 1 Comment on The Hello that Won’t Become Goodbye

We relate to that which can leave us
When it seems there is no other choice
The only one possible Hellos that sadden
When time passes, things change,
And they become Goodbyes.

How else could it be in a world of absence
Where we’ve lost the presence of that
Which won’t leave us
In a fog of never Now, never light, never visible,
Never Here with us where we are
If we are anywhere at all.

Yet the Hello of Love that lasts forever finds us
Somehow connects us to a state of Mind
Where there is only Good, and it can never end
Whose connection cannot be broken
Because it established itself.

Because we did not go to it, we went nowhere
It came to us of its own accord
Just as it can leave of its own accord
If we imagine that it’s an object to be possessed
To be ruled by arbitrariness and abuse.

The Hello of Love that lasts forever
Needs no choosing if it’s chosen us
So gentle and tender that it slips by awareness
So harmless that it opens and occupies
our most vulnerable space, unnoticed.

Our Heart, as though it had been there all along
And why not? This is its Home where it belongs
The Soul of Oneness whose door is open
To hearts everywhere when we get out of the way.

When we do what is asked of us and let it go
Set it free – the Good that we do when we share it
Touching one another with Love
Hellos that won’t become Goodbyes.

 

Published on Leave a comment on The Force and Necessity of Affect

Reflections to share with adolescents

Reflections to share with adolescents who may be wondering about affect: its role in relationships, in adolescents’ future, in mythology, and in all of Creation. How does it figure in the choice between what is Real and unreal, True and false, Good and evil? Why does it matter?

The usual poetic content is heavy with subjective thought and feeling. Grief and romantic Love are common types of feeling but there are others. Many are related to the values listed in my piece on adolescence [Thirteen: Reflections on Character and Values at the Beginning of Adolescence. 08/28/21]  T.R. Hummer’s non-rhyming poem, “My Mother in Bardo” (New Yorker 01/24/22 p. 50), is an example of a poem infused with grief. But if I’m assigned to compose a rhyming poem and I have no particular talent for lyrics, I might produce something lifeless, without affect.

Literature and poetry in particular say a lot about who we are and what’s important to us. For adolescents coming into their own it can be an effective way to gain self-awareness. If they feel a sense of loss, say, for a deceased grandparent, they might express it in a non-rhyming poem. It might be strikingly different from a poem whose search for originality, beauty, or other effect is through rhyme.

Before the Big Bang

Absence of affect in subjective, creative expression is a red flag. For an adolescent it might or might not have implications for character development, but, if so, they can run deep. Star Wars mythology is based on it. What turned Adam Skywalker toward the dark side and service to Palpatine, the galactic emperor? What made the galactic empire evil? Absence of affect.

Explaining Why requires theorizing with Logic about the antecedents of our material universe -- what I call “Reality-Creation.” It preceded the Big Bang, exists in parallel with our material universe, and heavily influences our behavior and its consequences beyond our awareness. It holds sway over the origin and fate of the universe and the meaning of life. Its context is Mind-Love, not spacetime-matter. I use initial caps to set terminology that is of this other Reality apart from the lower case of our un-reality.

The “Child” is the One we were in Reality before the Child lost Consciousness and became the many. While unconscious, it mis-identified with its shadow-reflection, went into a dream state corrupted by its shadow-code, dreamed our un-reality, replicated itself in isolated-separated human bodies, projected the material world detected by their bodies’ senses, and continues to replicate itself within its dream world under the influence of its shadow-reflection. An explanation for all this is the subject of my book-in-progress with the working title, The Story of the Child.

Affect is feeling -- emotional sensitivity. Feeling is value or Worth – things cared for. Gifts with talents the Child was given at birth with which to exercise Free Choice in Creation. Affect is rooted in Mother-Love, the source of all feeling in the Child’s phase of Reality-Creation.

The dis-integration of Love from Mind

The Child has Free Will or Free Choice because the Child is Free Choice, its role in Reality-Creation. In the Child’s phase with Free Choice, the loss of Consciousness produced a dream-world of un-reality where all ideas-thoughts and their associated feelings have opposites. Opposites are the reverse mirror-image shadow-reflection of the Child and all of its values, all of its gifts including its talents.

The code that defines all opposites is derived from the Child’s Being. The code is non-being. Which means it’s insane. Nuts. The appearance of a “system” which is the opposite of system. A system ruled not by laws but by chaos -- arbitrary rule where “rules” apply to everybody but the ruler. The reverse mirror-image of sanity, what we know as the “dark side.” Everyone and everything in our un-reality has a shadow-opposite. A dark side. No exceptions.

What makes the dark side “possible” in the dream state is the separation of Love-feeling from Mind-thought. The marriage between Father Mind / Logic-Choice and Mother Love / Freedom-Creativity not only produced the Child. It’s what holds all the Implications and Interconnections of Reality-Creation together. In our un-reality that integration is gone. Science’s search for a perfectly ordered, perfectly integrated cosmos ended over a century ago and now it’s even giving up on a cosmos that just makes sense. Because it doesn’t. Meanwhile, the judgment we need to manage human affairs, to maintain order in harmony, is equally dis-integrated. It needs to be constantly re-integrated, constantly pieced together, in all our choices.

The Reality-Creation of Consciousness knows nothing of shadows, reflections, or opposites. So, shadow-opposites played no part in the Child’s Conscious exercise of Free Choice in Reality. In un-reality it’s different. “Dark side” shadow-reflections very much represent a choice for us, the unconscious Child’s replications. The choice between Right and wrong, Good and evil, where good values-gifts are the product of Mind integrated with Love-affect and their evil shadow opposites are the product of Mind absent Love-affect. We choose correctly when we discipline our thoughts and feelings, our ideas and values, always to keep Love combined with Mind.

The pussycat “Lord Vader”

One of the traits that distinguish personality types is variation in levels of affect-feeling. In importance attributed to values because feeling is value rooted in Love, the Mother of everything cared for, everything of Worth. What distinguishes character is its values.

Adam Skywalker belonged to a personality type described in Isabel Myers’ Gifts Differing. He “went over to the dark side” because his type’s level of affect-feeling and therefore his character was relatively shallow. Absence of affect-feeling translates to a relatively shallow-weak connection with the Good-positive and therefore a relatively strong susceptibility to, or attraction for, the shadow-negative.

The choice posed by Good-positive – who we are in Reality -- and evil-negative – our shadow in un-reality -- pulls different personality types in different directions. The son Luke Skywalker’s character was relatively deep with feeling-affect, strongly anchored to values, and therefore less susceptible to the attraction of shadow-opposites. The character of Darth Vader – “Dark Father” – was relatively weak with feeling-affect, loosely anchored to values, and therefore more susceptible. Adam Skywalker, who became the mythic “Lord Vader” feared by trembling subordinates, was a personality weakling -- a pussycat. Captives of shadow-reflections can impress with the appearance of strength but their reality is weakness.

Lack of values rooted in affect-feeling translates to a weak or missing internal moral compass. To a weak sense of right vs. wrong -- a lack of conscience. To insensitivity and therefore to predilection for cruelty. What defines the galactic empire and its emperor Palatine as “evil” is an absence of affect-feeling. It’s defined by Mind-thought without Love-value and therefore as character without conscience: insensitive and prone to cruelty. It becomes a universe where harm is done and pain inflicted because it is not felt, because character and values don’t matter.

Guidance from Isabel Myers’ Gifts Differing

Isabel Myers’ Gifts Differing intuits clues from personality types to differences that can account for and predict relative attraction for the dark side. The ESFP type with relatively weak feeling-judgment is a type that, if it’s not disciplined by its social culture, can be misled into shadow-opposites and wrongdoing. It happens to be the type exhibited by the current idol of the Republican party, a body-matter idolater, serial wrong-doer, and a menace to democracy, civilization, and world order. But any type weak on affect-feeling and character-values is a candidate.

My piece about adolescence listed both positive values and their shadow-opposites – the dark side. What an interest in the opposites might indicate about an adolescent’s developing personality type we don’t know. We do know that an ‘S’ (sensing) in preference to an ‘I’ (intuition) would fit an engineer or craftsman working with material objects. Sensing would account, say, for a poem engineered rather than intuited. Intuited, that is, from psyche or soul, from thoughts-feelings stored in humanity’s collective Memory.

We also know that Gifts Differing can help predict choices that different types tend to make and therefore where on balance they may be headed: To promoting humanitarian kindness and freedom (the Jedi Knights) or engaging in inhumane cruelty and oppression (the galactic empire). Definitive conclusions can’t be drawn by outside observers. They can only be drawn by subjects themselves who monitor their personality types – the building of character through their preferences.

While Isabel distinguishes between the light and dark sides the distinction is indirect. It’s implied, for example by reference to “wrongdoing,” inadequate consideration of costs, shallowness, insincerity, and other tendencies. But otherwise her “feeling” doesn’t account for dark side opposites. The difference between thinking (T) and feeling (F) isn’t necessarily what she’s intuited. Nevertheless, the difference is significant and deserves reflection. All of the differences – between introvert-extravert, sensing-intuition, thinking-feeling, and judging-perceptive – are relevant for types’ tendencies toward positive values and their opposites and therefore toward their subjects’ ultimate ending in fulfillment or disappointment.

The turning point: adolescence

Adolescence is a critical phase in establishing these tendencies. It’s the phase when Luke Skywalker committed to the cause of the Jedi Knights after the loss of his foster parents. It’s the phase when his father, Adam, started to part with Obi-Wan, his Jedi trainer, betray the Jedi cause, and go over to the empire. For many, our personal fortunes literally hang in the balance when we are adolescents.

May Affect be with you!

Published on Leave a comment on The Child-Host and Its Shadow-Reflection: the “Relationship” that Went Viral and Made the World

Overview: Is there any real reason why we need the answer?

If the measurements of science / quantum gravity, DNA genetics and molecular biology can't explain the origin and fate of the universe or the meaning of life without philosophy, psychology, and theology doing their part, and the dominant paradigms in every field of inquiry are still manifestly not getting it right, then there is "reason why we need the answer."

If the material universe, everything in it, and everything desirable and undesirable about humanity's and all life's experience of it traces back to an event or events in the state of immateriality or mind that preceded it; If it is but a mirror-image reverse -- a perversion -- of another Reality whose dynamics preceded it, caused it, and continue to influence it, then in the name of science's "quest for knowledge" and material "facts," in the name of philosophy's order and ethics, psychology's self-Worth and Understanding, religion's healing and "salvation," there is "reason why we need the answer."

Every error, every defect in what self-deluded minds experience in this illusory "life," even this "life" itself, traces back to the Child's archetypal mistake: the objectification of its own shadow, the projection of its self and its sovereignty onto its imagined "other," and its activation of its shadow-reflection's code or "thought system," a mirror-image reverse -- the opposite -- of all that is Real, True, and Good. All for the purpose of substituting another reality for the Reality that was lost with the loss of Consciousness. The illusion, everything about it and wrong with it, is a replication of this same mistake. The "reason why we need the answer" is (1) to stop the replication; (2) to restore Consciousness;  (3) to correct the mistake.

The main barrier to minds being guided to the answer is the misperception-misjudgment that they don't need to seek it. That even if they do they're not self-deluded; they don't misperceive and misjudge; the status quo is satisfactory; and therefore they don't need guidance. The main barrier is opposition and resistance from a mis-identified shadow-reflection -- an imagined "other." The "reason why we need the answer" is to regain self-awareness. To understand the Truth of who we are: the host, not our shadow-reflection.

Preface

Michael Strevens, in The Knowledge Machine (Liveright 2020), tells us that in their public truths scientists don't trouble their audience with other truths they may be harboring privately. Adam Becker's confession, in February's Scientific American, that quantum gravity is so baffling that physicists wonder if spacetime-matter is "somehow illusory," may be a truth that could no longer be kept private. Not if the profession is to retain any shred of honor or credibility.

Logic takes this astounding about-face from science and asks simple questions:

  • If our bodies and their physical surroundings -- the universe -- are "somehow illusory," what could cause the illusion?
  • If illusions can be caused by dreams, what mind is dreaming?
  • If unconscious minds produce dreams that are illusions, whose unconscious mind is dreaming this particular illusion?
  • What caused this mind to lose consciousness?
  • How did we come to "exist" inside an illusion being dreamed by a mind that's unconscious?
  • What is the story of this mind? Can it be told?
  • If we owe our "existence" to a mind's loss of consciousness -- a calamity on a scale equal to at least one universe and maybe many universes -- shouldn't we at least try to tell its story? Won't this help us fix what's broken? Shouldn't we try?

My metaphysical theorizing is an attempt to answer these questions. With Logic. My latest post was prompted by the scientist Adam Becker's astounding public confession. It offers insights from Logic into how and Why the Mind that produced our world lost consciousness. How and Why the illusion of spacetime-matter "happened" as a result.

The whole story is coming into focus, but it's still writing itself. Understanding may yet have a long way to go. It can't be pushed. It can't be hurried. It reveals itself at its own pace, in logical sequence, one implication, one insight, at a time.

Who is the “Child?”

The Story of the Child is about a character who existed in another Reality before the Big Bang and who exists in the same other Reality now. A character referred to in mainstream philosophical and religious mythology as the offspring of divine beings who willed our universe into existence and populated it with their offspring and its progeny. In this telling, the universe and its inhabitants are unreal, an illusion made by an unconscious-dreaming Child that could not have been Created by Logic-God or by its Parents Mind-Love.

In A Course in Miracles the Child is a he, and he is the Son of the Father. He collectively, in this world, is the “Sonship.” In my telling, it’s the Child, and “it” is both masculine and feminine, he and-or she. It collectively, in this world, is the Child’s “replications” – the many derived from the One. The Child was given birth by Father Mind and Mother Love because in my telling, following the implications of ACIM, the Child is Free Choice, and Free Choice requires that marriage between Mind-Choice and Love-Freedom be its Parents.

Opposite worlds: The Child and its shadow-reflection

The Story of the Child has not one but two dimensions: one Real and the other unreal. There is its own story, the story of its unreal shadow-reflection, and the relationship between the two. A relationship that developed in error. That should not have developed because “relationship” between what is Real and what is unreal – between contradictory, mutually exclusive “realities” – is illogical. “Relating” in this context is a logical impossibility. Because it was illogical, the “relationship” took the Story of the Child seriously off track, onto a siding where it goes round and round, nowhere. Where all that’s wrong and painful, frustrating and calamitous with our world, has settled in, waiting for the Story of the Child to get back on track.

Alternating between two “realities” with the same terminology throws Understanding off track. Terms given initial caps, like “Reality,” refer to the Reality of Mind that preceded the Big Bang and parallels our material universe. The same terms without initial caps, or in quotes, relate to the Child’s state of unconsciousness and all things imagined by it. This includes the unreality of the material universe, bodies and sensory perception, all organic “life” and inorganic matter. In short, everything illusory.

Two mutually exclusive planes of Creation

The Child is profoundly unhappy. It’s not satisfied with the substitute reality its delusion has produced – the delusion that its reflection is an “other” endowed with its own capacities, capable of saving it from the situation its loss of Consciousness put it in. It wants to return to Consciousness, to go Home, reconnect with its Parents, Father Mind and Mother Love, in its Sanctuary of Creation. It yearns to get back to work. It wants to reclaim its powers of thought and feeling, its Free Will, its sovereignty. To bring itself back to Reality and Truth, to Logic, with the Guidance of the Holy Spirit. To be Loved, useful, and happy again.

It doesn’t want “saved” or “saviors” who compromise Free Will. It’s dependent on the Holy Spirit for Guidance, but the Holy Spirit and all of Creation are dependent on the Child for Free Choice. For without Free Choice, the Creation, Affirmation, and Reciprocation of Worth is impossible. So critical is Free Choice that it must occupy its own plane in Reality-Creation where the Consciousness of the Child’s Parents cannot be present.

Conversely, Child / Free Choice cannot logically occupy the same plane of Creation as the Parents. They are connected but their functions must logically be mutually exclusive. The Child’s Consciousness is not defined by the same attributes as the Parents’ Consciousness, and their Free Spirit is not defined by the same attributes as the Child’s Free Choice. Explaining all of this, and more, through The Story of the Child, is meant to expand Understanding and shorten the time to awakening.

The decline and fall of sensory perception

The self-delusion that converted the Child’s shadow-reflection from a dormant code, the mirror-image opposite of the Child’s Being, into the illusion of a self-motivating “other” capable of making its unreality real, is composed of attributes that block the Child and its replications – humanity – from awareness of the Truth that lies behind our material world’s appearances. The main barrier is the assumption that bodies are real and anything detected by bodies’ senses must also be real – the paradigm that today dominates mainstream science, philosophy, psychology, and theology.

Its domination shows signs of being weakened, however, by the findings of experimental and theoretical physics. Adam Becker, the physicist-historian of quantum gravity and author of What Is Real? (Basic Books 2018) has authored the lead article in the February issue of Scientific American (pp. 28-33). Entitled “The Origins of Space and Time: Does Spacetime Emerge from a More Fundamental Reality?”, the article reviews progress toward quantum gravity and concludes with “a question of whether time and space are somehow illusory.” A question raised by an ancient Greek philosopher, Parmenides, 2500 years ago, “an unsettling prospect that has haunted Western philosophy for over two millennia.”

Unsettling, I would add, because science is being forced by its own logic to consider, for the first time, another Reality. The Reality of Understanding that doesn’t depend on the circular, self-referential “reasoning”’ and subjectivity of bodies and sensory perception. That depends instead on Logic – the Order of Mind instead of the chaos of matter. The objectivity of another perspective not of this world, the perspective that led Parmenides to conclude that Mind is Real and matter is not.

Body-centered or Mind-centered: which shall it be?

Parmenides, relying not on experimental physics which had not been invented but on Logic, reasoned that time and space are illusory. The theory and practice of metaphysics, which he invented, influenced Plato, whose mind-centered idealistic philosophy helped to define Western thought. Under the influence of his pupil, the biologist Aristotle, its orientation shifted toward body-matter centered “realism,” and thus did science start.

Then, centuries later, a unique breed of metaphysicist-practitioner appeared. Jesus upended all speculation with astounding departures from familiar “reality” -- miracles that flouted the “laws” of physics. His message of Love, Innocence, and Forgiveness flouted the norms of relationships to equal astonishment. He was a tour-de-force of Logic, a simple itinerant teacher with no connection to officialdom, his only “authority” the power of what he taught, felt, and expressed. The power of Connection through gentle loving kindness. It was, all told, an electrifying, mind-bending introduction to the possibility of another Reality. An upheaval meant to part minds from this “reality.”

But while a few were convinced, like Valentinus, the second-century Gnostic Christian teacher, that material reality is unreality -- an illusion, – the body-matter centered paradigm soon reasserted itself. It did so not under the influence of philosophy but under the dominance of organized religion. The Church, claiming legitimacy from Jesus that Jesus could not have intended, obliterated all opposition as “heresy” and the true intent and legacy of Jesus along with it. Mainstream philosophy flirted with Parmenides from time to time – Bishop Berkeley, for example, -- but it was rare.

The world, for now, remained unchanged. For what are mainstream science, philosophy, psychology, and theology, after all, but waystations of trial and mostly error in the time it will take for the Child and its replications to attain maturity? Accidents and mistakes in the evolution of organic and inorganic matter that Sean B. Carroll chronicles in A Series of Fortunate Events (Princeton 2020).

The self-delusion of an imagined “other” and the train wreck of evil

A Course in Miracles could be the explanation, the book Jesus couldn’t write two thousand years ago, because his audience wasn’t ready. Channeled last century, it explains the psychopathology of the Child’s interaction with its shadow-reflection that produced the illusion: a self-delusion that set an unconscious Child to dreaming a world of spacetime and matter. The dream replicated in our own self-delusions with our own shadow-reflections.

What, then, is “good?” The host. That is, the Child who hosts a shadow-reflection that is its mirror image opposite, a lifeless, mindless, loveless code that, when it’s mistaken for an imagined “other,” behaves as one would expect the opposite of Being to behave: like a virus. Not interested in Life or Freedom but only in taking its host’s mind captive and replicating itself.

What, then, is “evil?” The host’s shadow-reflection mistakenly “recognized” as an imagined other. That is, a part of the subject host that’s been objectified into an imagined other that the host then tries, through projection, to enable and empower with its own capacities – an impossibility. For the only “capacities” a shadow-reflection can activate, that’s only a coded opposite, is its own viral code.

The final step in the self-delusion that gives it – and the imagined “other” – its misperceived capacity to torment the Child and its replications – humanity, the “many” – is the captivity of the Child’s mind and self-identity by the code. That is, by the Child now imagining that it is its reflection. By the Child and its replications – us – no longer distinguishing between captor and captive. In extreme cases this means the disappearance of the self into the imagined “other.”

The dog is being wagged by its own tail

To encounter an individual in this condition would then be to encounter an individual unaware that they have become their own shadow-code, that they are, therefore, evil incarnate. Such appears to be the case with the current leaders of the Republican party and Russia, two demented autocrats who have been taken captive by their shadow-reflections and seem to have lost all awareness of themselves, their shadows’ host.

The pattern in all of humanity’s train wrecks originates with a host’s delusion that its shadow-reflection is a separate, autonomous “other.” A dog deluded into imagining that its tail is another dog, being wagged by its own tail. This is how humanity goes about managing its affairs, and we see the results: train wrecks all the way from individual relationships to relations among nations, ethnic groups and races on a global scale. Replicating the Child’s archetypal mistake, never getting it right. A pattern that will continue unabated until we do get it right. Until we apply Logic to an Understanding of our context, to an Understanding of the mistake and correct it.

How and Why did this happen?

Why was the Child not forewarned of the misperception and misjudgment to come when it was given birth in Reality? Why did not its Parents simply reach into the illusion, restore Consciousness, and rescue it? How could Logic – Logos, God -- have failed to design Creation with a failsafe process and structure? Why do the Child and its  replications, though illusory, nevertheless experience suffering that’s real?

The long answer requires The Story of the Child and its subtext, the story of its shadow-reflection, the Joker. The short answer is Reality-Creation is not one but two distinct parts, and, though connected, they are mutually exclusive. The idea-premise that “launched” the sequence of Logic at the “beginning” – in quotes because Logic and its sequence are Being by definition, their own definition as they are their own Source, and none of this can have a “beginning” – was something on the order of the Word, which roughly translates to Possibility. The Consciousness of the Child’s Parents-Being that gave birth to the Child “Knows” or recognizes only Reality. For this is its function, to bring Reality into existence by Knowing it, i.e. being Conscious of it, and at this phase of Creation only Consciousness and one Reality are logically possible.

The phase of Creation marked by the birth of the Child, who is Free Choice, had a very different beginning. It wasn’t launched by an idea-premise that expressed itself in Consciousness with the capacity – the ability and Force – to move Reality and Creation toward Being by defining and recognizing it, by designing its process and structure.  It was launched by another kind of Consciousness with another function: the capacity to Choose. That is, by the capacity to reason, evaluate, and judge among different choices.

It was launched not by Possibility alone, which poses no choice in Reality, but by Choice between Possibility and its opposite, impossibility -- between Reality and unreality. The attribute of the Child’s Consciousness that requires its own plane of Creation, that cannot blend with its Parents’ Consciousness on their plane of Creation, is the possibility that, with Free Choice, the Child will choose illogically, incorrectly. That the Child will thereby lose Consciousness. And once Consciousness is lost, unconsciousness will be overtaken by illusion and make unreality – the dream of an alternate reality -- real. 

Mind with Free Choice that can lose Consciousness, dream an alternate reality, and thereby make (not create) unreality “real,” performs an essential role in Creation – in Creating, affirming and reciprocating Worth. But it doesn’t belong on its Parents’ plane of Creation. The Consciousness of Parents-Being, that establishes what belongs in Logic-Reality, i.e. Possibility, Existence, Truth, doesn’t belong on the Child’s plane of Creation where only one Consciousness can function and it must allow for Choice between Possibility and impossibility, Reality and unreality, i.e. between the consequences of Consciousness and unconsciousness.

Why was the Child not forewarned?

Why was the Child not forewarned of the misperception and misjudgment to come when it was given birth in Reality? Because its Parents Knew nothing of the risk of unconsciousness and its consequences and could not Know, by definition. Because in Logic there must always be sequence: what precedes and what succeeds – before and after. In Creation and evolution what is Known is before, what is unknown is after. Even if the Child’s Parents could have Known of the risk they could not have Known of the event itself in advance. In the end, they did not Know because they could not know.

Why wasn’t the Child rescued by its Parents?

Why did not the Child’s Parents simply reach into the illusion, restore Consciousness, and rescue it? Because to do so they would have had to “Know’ the illusion and thereby make it Real. Because to do so they would not only have disabled their Child’s Free Will, they would have willed their Child out of existence. Why? Because their Child is Free Will. Is Free Choice. It’s who their Child is. Because they, its Parents, are Father Mind-Choice and Mother Love-Freedom, incapable of giving birth to any other Child.

How could Logic have failed to design failsafe Creation?

How could Logic – Logos, God -- have failed to design Creation with a failsafe process and structure? Because it is in the very nature – the Logic – of Creation that it advances into the unknown. Logic, the Free Spirit of Mind-Inquiry and Love-Creativity, governs and protects from the bottom up, from circumstances that are constantly changing and evolving from one context to another. Logic, the definition of Everything, is constantly defining and redefining Reality in response to Creation. Logic, subject itself to the laws of cause and effect, to Necessity, evolves. Evolves in alignment with Creation that advances by experience. By experiment. And because the Creation of Worth must advance by Free Choice, it must advance by trial and error.

The possibility of error is built into the Logic of Creation. Logic, which cannot rule arbitrarily and still Be what it Is, cannot rewrite the rules to guarantee success. Cannot design Creation to be what it is not. Cannot design the process and structure of Creation – the functions of Mind and the planes where they operate – to be failsafe. Logic cannot design Free Choice to be what it is not: always the right choice, always the logical choice. Logic and the Child’s Parents cannot control the Child and its choices, for to do so would deprive it of Free Will and sabotage Creation’s purpose: the Creation, affirmation, and reciprocation of Worth. They must allow the Child to choose freely and to learn from experience, to expand its Consciousness, to acquire Knowledge – to grow and mature -- from trial and error. With their guidance but never their control.

Why is our suffering unreal yet experienced as real?

Why do the Child and its replications, though illusory, nevertheless experience suffering that’s real? Because while the switch from Consciousness into unconsciousness is a switch into illusion, the switch itself is Real. It happened. Made Real by the Child’s identity and capacity for Free Choice. While separation is not real and the Child remains connected to its Parents and Reality, its awareness of the connection has been lost. The cause of the apparent separation is illusory but, with the loss of the Child’s awareness, its effect seems real. Has been made real by the dream of unreality. It is therefore experienced as real. We in our world of illusion, dreaming of unreality and untruth, experience the alternate reality “promised” by our reflection, our imaginary “other,” as very real. We suffer.

The Real “Good News:” the freedom to choose again

The bad news is that the Child has mistakenly and inadvertently chosen to suffer in unreality. It did so in circumstances explained by A Course in Miracles and elaborated by The Story of the Child, that disposed it to mistake its reflection for an “other.” To imagine that the “other” was a substitute parent, an external “savior” who would save it from its trauma and restore Order. It was a colossal misjudgment that produced the absurdity of the Big Bang, a universe of organic and inorganic matter whose origins and meaning the “laws” of science have not explained and can never explain.

The good news is that the Child can choose again. And we, by empathizing with the Child instead of prolonging its agony, by Understanding our situation, by choosing to align with Logic instead of foolishness, can help it Choose correctly. To choose Peace, Truth, and Sanity. To rid us of our nightmare of conflict, deception, and insanity. To awaken and return Home.

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Published on 1 Comment on Creating Great Friendships Through Sharing and Thankfulness

We cherish our friends.
How can we be there for them?
How can we make them happy?
How can we be close to them and stay close?

By being interested in them, curious about their stories
By listening to them and responding to what’s on their minds
By hearing what they need from us and how they’re feeling
By letting them know we are with them.

What can tell us what they’re thinking and how they’re feeling?
What they need from us?
What can we offer them that will make them happy?

Here are gifts that are valued by everybody
Gifts to be shared
Our best guides to what make us best friends
With thoughts on how our guides can show us the way

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Friends need the gift of Love

We can speak the Five Languages of Love:

• Make time for friends and be accessible
Give them our respect, our undivided attention, and our trust
Connect with them by being open --
By sharing our thoughts, our feelings, our lives

• Be there for them when they need help
Do things for them that let them know they can count on us

• Show our love and appreciation by being affectionate
Let them know that their friendship touches our hearts

• Reward their kindness with generosity
With gifts that let them know we appreciate them

• Encourage them by admiring their talents and achievements
Let them know that they matter, they are important, they are the best

Friends need the gift of Community

We can make friends feel welcome in our lives, so they know they belong
Welcome them into our circle of friends and family
“Treat friends like family and family like friends”

Friends need the gift of Health / Wholeness

We can have fun with friends that’s wholesome and disciplined
That makes happy without risking abuse, injury, or sickness
Without pressuring, or being pressured, to do things that aren’t good for us

Friends need the gift of Freedom

We can give friends space to think and choose for themselves
To express themselves as they are
To reciprocate (return) our kindness or not
Without judging them, blaming them, or pressuring them to be more like us

Friends need the gift of Worth

We must always practice good manners and be polite, to show respect
We can respect friends for things they do well but also for just who they are
By giving them our attention, our gratitude, and encouragement
By letting them know, when they are with us, no one is more important

Friends need the gift of Empowerment

We can let friends take the lead and be in control sometimes – take turns.
Let our friends win sometimes if we’re better than they are
Learn from our friends if they have something to teach us
Let everyone in on the fun and make it fair for everyone

Friends need the gift of Abundance

We can share the fullness and joy of life that’s in our hearts
The wealth that wants and needs to be shared
Let it join us in happiness when we are both feeling it
Or lift us up by sympathizing and caring for one another when we aren’t

Friends need the gift of Safety

We can make it safe for friends to trust us and play with us
Where it’s warm and welcoming
A place of tenderness and gentle loving kindness
Where they can be themselves without fear of being blamed and attacked
For who they are – personalities that aren’t like ours

Friends need the gift of Hope / Purpose

We can share what we see that leads the way forward
That renews our friends’ faith in themselves, their work, and their futures
Friends don’t let friends give up!

Friends need the gift of Beauty

Share the moments, the passion, the beauty, that inspire and move us –
Our triumphs against adversity, our discoveries
Stories, images, and music that make our spirits soar
That express the beauty, the spirit, of friendship

To all my shining stars, my friends
Who have the gift of Love and Abundance in their hearts
Doing their very best to share it
Thankfully.

Published on Leave a comment on What Is Intimacy?

The five languages of love are acts of service, gifts, physical touch, quality time, and affirmation.
Thank you Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts (Northfield 2015).
My favorite is affirming a person's worth, because the world keeps trying to take us down.

Quality time means intimacy, sharing lives.
• Being accessible mentally and emotionally, being honest and truthful.
• Being spontaneous, which means being with your friend-partner in the moment where they're at
• Being in their circumstances subjectively as well as ours
• Being always subjective, never objective, always intimate, never social.
• Letting "social-group" be the servant-protector of the individual rather than the other way around. I.e. rather than subordinating individual intimacy to social-group control / insincere superficiality.

Happiness in individual intimate relationships is sharing, empowerment, affirmation.
• it is never wealth-possession, power-control, competition / dominance-winning.
• It is never superimposing our circumstances-facts / agenda on our partner-friend's.
• it is subjectifying, never objectifying.

Love is one part coupling-connecting, one part uncoupling-letting go.
It is one part binding embrace, one part liberating freedom.
It is never any kind of predatory entrapment, coercion, or captivity.

Personality types who excel at love-intimacy and happiness are introspective, intuitive, and thoughtful.
They are also conscientious and disciplined, endowed with a strong sense of universal values.
They have an internal moral compass that doesn't need social norms for guidance.

Personality types who prefer superficial social relationships crave belonging that absorbs the individual into the group.
Not the kind of belonging that provides a safe sanctuary for individuals to experience intimacy.

Practice an intimacy of openness that fosters honesty and trust and happiness will follow.
Allow rules of possession, control, competition, dominance and winning to intrude and happiness will vanish.

Further reading: the gold standard is A Course in Miracles.
And a little something I wrote for kids: "Creating Great Friendships", my next post.

Be assured that anyone who takes the time to read this has the perfect personality type and the wisdom to achieve intimacy and happiness.

Go in peace with my blessing.

Published on Leave a comment on Thoughts for Easter 2021

To my two shining stars,

Learning

Our world is a laboratory where we have to figure out how to make things work, including relationships. Families are laboratories for figuring out how to get along when everyone has their own personality. It helps us get along at school, at work, and at play when we’ve learned to get along at home. When we understand that our differences can be our friends that show us how to grow. How to unlock abilities we didn’t know we had. How to experience pleasures we didn’t know were there to be enjoyed.

Different personalities that seem to make our lives more difficult may actually be teaching us how to be happier. We just have to be aware that we have our personalities and others have their personalities. Respect the differences, let others be our teachers, and learn from them.

It’s what I’ve been doing with you: learning from you. One of many reasons why you make me happy, because you’re my teachers and you’re good at it. I don’t have to be like you for us to get along. I can be myself and you can be yourselves. You’re very good at it. Thank you for being my friends. Thank you so much for being my teachers.

Adapting and growing

What did I do when my wife left and took my boys? I went to work, came home to empty rooms, and cried. Then the day came when I stopped crying, moved away, and began a new life. I reconnected with old friends and made new friends:

* Sally, who became my mentor and led me on a journey of personal growth to what I could do to make my life better.
* Judy, who led me on a journey of spiritual growth, to a Guide who would help me from within to make every life better.
* And Larry, who threw open the doors to professional adventure, to a world of friends and acceptance I never knew existed.

I went from being a solitary life in an empty room to a life of abundance and purpose. To being blessed and thankful and wanting to share. To never looking back.

The Why and the Who of Easter

Our world is a laboratory for figuring out Why to make things work. The story that made Christmas and Easter part of our lives is the story of one life, a brother who tried to help us with that. He was born on Christmas and on Easter showed that no matter what he will always be trying to help us. He is here now, a presence to share with everyone because he set a good example. He is the Guide that I was led to and he is the nicest.

He helps me understand every day Why it’s important to learn: to change and grow. Because our personalities aren’t supposed to lock us in. They’re opportunities to open up. To unlock. To be more than who we are. To be stronger and freer, more creative, more imaginative. And happier. By being who we are and allowing others to be who they are. By teaching others and allowing them to teach us.

What does Easter mean to me? Faith, Purpose, and Hope. It’s what it means to everyone touched by its story. It’s what I would like for it to mean to you.

And, by the way, he was also a she. In our minds, that is, where she belongs, now and forever.

Happy Easter!

David Clark Harrison
In memory of Owen Clark Harrison
March 31, 1970 – March 2017

Published on Leave a comment on The Gift from “Gifts Differing”: A Greeting for the Holidays 2020

Not long ago, I asked a friend for a favor. It was a bit unusual and I knew it would require some thought, but not so unusual that it could upend a friendship. But it did, at least for a while, quite emphatically. The way my friend and I interpreted what happened was a study in contrasts. It was as if we lived in two separate realities, spoke different languages, and transacted business with different currencies, hers as worthless to me as mine was to her.

It was one of those things, a train wreck in a relationship we’re all familiar with. And yet it turned out to be very interesting. It revealed that my friend and I, who have been close over the years, are exact opposite personality types. I’m an INTJ and she’s an ESFP: INTJ for Introvert-Intuition-Thinking-Judgment, ESFP for Extravert-Sensing-Feeling-Perception. These are from Isabel Briggs Myers’ Gifts Differing, not as “scientific” as other theories some might prefer, but my Intuition trusts her Intuition.

The holidays are all about one universal value: everything that makes us family. Forgiveness is one of those things, and let me be the first to admit: If you’re reading this it probably means you’re a big nuisance but you’ve been forgiven – many times. “I love you in spite of your many faults” my dad liked to joke, usually to a good laugh. But it’s no laughing matter, because real forgiveness is beyond reach. At least it is for me. Especially if the big nuisance happens to be my exact opposite personality type.

My instinct in this case was to bail for good. I was on my way out the door. Then I read Gifts Differing and discovered that Isabel’s theory doesn’t stop at showing us how opposites wreak havoc with relationships. It shows remarkably how opposites can be used to bring us closer together and, in the process, promote personal growth and self-awareness. What philosophy, what faith, couldn’t use an analytical tool like this to bring about peace and forgiveness!

It’s done by accessing the opposites of your weak personality traits – mind-Intuition, for example, if you’re a body-Sensing type, -- preferably in consultation with someone who’s your opposite. You “pool your resources,” and at the end you’re both more fully developed, better balanced personalities, more sympathetic, more adaptable to change, and better equipped to forgive. That's the theory and, so far, it's working for me.

Isabel’s theory is inspired, not least because the metaphysics of A Course in Miracles calls for its practical application to individual circumstances, and students of the Course intent on practicing forgiveness will find that it’s a big help. If my friend is reading this she might be incensed that I’m talking about us, but not if her Feeling has accessed Thinking, and Perception has accessed Judgment. You see, what this is all about is making everyone more like me. Proof that what I've learned from her is the joy of spontaneity and laughter. Pity the poor INTJ Scrooge who never learns it!

Wishing you the Joy of Life and laughter for the holidays and all through the New Year.

Published on Leave a comment on The Fire of Time

The warmth and light from time
The fire that consumes all evidence of my being
Draws me to it in my grief

As if its embers home to my tears
Could bring us back together again
As if the dog curled up by the fireplace
And those of us still living

Could summon forth those who are not
Could restore the tenderness
That flickered in my child’s soul

A moment of having and touching
Before it was taken away

Published on Leave a comment on For the Love of a Grandparent

Our values are what really matters – love and family; friendship and community; health and healing; freedom and free will; self-worth; purpose, learning, striving, growth and achievement; abundance; protection and trust; beauty, purity and innocence; empowerment and control. Whenever we’re in doubt, these are our conscience. These are our best guide to avoiding mistakes.

Grandparents know all about mistakes because they’ve seen and made lots of them. They know a lot about values, too, because experience has taught them what’s important. Kids might do fine without a grandparent. But it’s possible they’d do even better with one. Grandparents want kids to have this resource: helping them with values so they avoid mistakes.

This is how grandparents want to be there for their kids. They applaud kids' performances and cheer them from the sidelines. But when kids are ready for more, grandparents are ready for more.

Grandparents don’t tell kids what to do. Setting a good example, standing up for their values – that’s their job. If they follow the wrong example they won’t be role modeling their values. They won’t be role modeling the values they want their grandchildren to have.

What kids need from their grandparents is good role models.

Here are some thoughts about grand-parenting, relationships, and role modeling based on one grandparent's experience:

Respect and affection between friends can never be taken for granted, because that would be telling our friends their needs and feelings don’t matter. That they don’t matter. It would tell them that they’re worthless when friendships should tell them the opposite.

Differences between people can cause serious problems. Our reading and entertainment tell us that every day. Our minds work differently. Our personalities aren’t the same. We value different things. Our priorities are different. We present ourselves differently. We try to connect and communicate differently – the list goes on and on.

Our circumstances are always changing. And our needs and feelings change with them. Because everyone’s circumstances are different, no one has the same point of view.

Our physical, biological, and social environment is a dynamic system driven by powerful forces. Understanding these forces is the purpose of every field of learning -- physics, philosophy, psychology, neuroscience, social science, political science, ethics, theology, biology, and more. We are brought together in one great human enterprise: learning.

One of the great lessons of life is the need for continuous improvement -- for learning and personal growth. This is as true for groups as it is for individuals. It is our purpose. We can’t stand still. We must move forward.

Learning takes effort. It takes thought, and kids are capable of that. If grandparents didn’t believe in their kids they would say, “They’re just kids” and ignore them. Grandparents don’t ignore their kids. They think their kids are worth a whole lot more than just one birthday gift. They're worth a million birthday gifts! They're not “just kids.”

As Vince Lombardi would put it: What’s best for our kids isn’t everything: it’s the only thing. Being useful to their kids is why grandparents exist. A good grandparent will try to be useful even if it means doing without the affection, kindness, joy, and laughter that their kids bless them with. Their kids are worth a trillion birthday gifts!

Relationships usually survive misunderstandings and hurt feelings without too much damage. But when we don’t respect our differences it can have more serious consequences. It can cause wounds that take away trust and safety. It can even bring close friendships to an end.

In the end, there is only one way to save a friendship and that is to earn it. To have strong values, share them, and to stand up for them even if it takes work and may not succeed. What is friendship worth, anyway, if it doesn’t ask something of us? If we don’t risk something?

Living a truly good life and doing what’s right aren’t things to be casual about. They require thought and deliberation. They require care and concentration, because it can be very easy to lose sight of what really matters and make a mistake.

It’s up to each of us to determine for ourselves what’s right. It’s everyone’s duty to affirm the truth about who we are and what we believe in everything we do. It’s all about Character. It’s all about Purpose.

Modesty is being aware that a higher power knows what’s best and letting this awareness guide our conscience. Anyone can find fault with what’s wrong, but who really knows what’s right? This is modesty, a virtue that is everyone’s duty to share, and grandparents would share it with their kids.

Miracles happen when power that we’re not aware of works quietly through our minds and hearts to overcome barriers to change and lead us forward. The barriers to change necessary for friends to move forward may not come down without a miracle. This is as true for brothers and sisters as it is with fathers and sons.

“Happy endings” aren’t a given but neither is disappointment. What we think are “happy endings” may also lie beyond our understanding. We should be prepared for both, because whatever comes may be for the best – we don’t know.